#someone who lost their home would want to go back there and rediscover it

[alwida10]

Apologies if you've already answered it. I've been reading your metas today and linked posts and ngl I really love them and I feel like we're in full agreement with everything.

With season 2 of Loki merely 6 weeks away (idk, are you going to watch it? I think I will, regardless of my current feelings about it) what are your thoughts about the upcoming season? What do you expect we'll get in it? Do you have any hopes for it, or do you think it will be more of the same. The current promo does not give me a good feeling tbh. Also do you think Hiddleston could leave the mcu at the end of season 2? Or at least if this could be the last time we see TVA Loki. Sorry for lenghty ask 🙈 my season 2 anxiety is off the charts, I expect it will be more of the same with Sylvie leading the story and Loki following her and I'd love to hear your thoughts about s2

Awww, thank you!!! Season 1 was something I felt so deeply for! All my hopes and dreams were focused on it. And then it shattered me in a way I didn’t know was possible. Now, I see that it took me a full year to cope and decode what I was feeling. The metas I wrote during this time (including the survey) are more like an open diary of how I processed the show and stabilized my mental health. It means a lot to me that now those thoughts may help others, too. 💚

I’ll put the answers under a cut, because there are some triggers included.

what are your thoughts about the upcoming season? What do you expect we'll get in it?

Frankly, I expect the season to focus mainly on Sylvie and her character development. If I put my criticisms aside and try to see what the creators wanted to do with the series, it looks to me like their only goal for Larry was to morph him from a villain to a hero in a way that would be undeniable for the general audience. This was achieved by him watching the video and finally finding someone he cares for. So his arc was completed in season 1. His role now is probably to serve as a guide for her, and maybe to discover that his true power is only achievable through or with her. I don’t count this as “his” arc especially, but more the core of the general admiration Sylvie is supposed to get from everyone in-universe. It’s a part of being a Mary sue. As is excelling at everything, even stuff that is opposite to your characteristics and you have no former knowledge on that would make it seem believable you’d excel. Like this, you know?

I‘m quite certain of this because Eric Martin is a huge fan of Sylvie and the ship. If you want to confirm I suggest looking at his Twitter. His tweets imply he intends to stay true to Waldron‘s and Harron‘s original ideas. This was confirmed by some people working on the set of season 2. I made the effort to find the original post, and it turned out that two people contributed to the post I experienced as thoughtful and reliable on Reddit. I personally believe those leaks.

Do you have any hopes for it, or do you think it will be more of the same. The current promo does not give me a good feeling tbh.

I think it will be more of the same. Sorry, I wish I could tell you something more to your taste. I absolutely share this feeling, and so do others.

Also do you think Hiddleston could leave the mcu at the end of season 2?

This article claims that Tom was supposed to leave the MCU at the end of season 1. Allegedly, season 1 was supposed to have 12 episodes and only was cut short because of Corona. This would mean that the original end of season 1 would be now the end of season 2. Does this mean he will leave? I can’t say. Disney‘s stock is progressively decreasing. Social media opinions on the MCU seem to grow more and more negative and depreciating. Perhaps Iger and Feige feel like Tom is one of the last strong pillars and try to keep him. At this point, I wouldn’t put it past them to try to keep the MCU afloat with Tom’s personal fandom. I don’t think that will work since Google stats show that his popularity decreased after season 1 to a point where it is now below the level it was after endgame. But they might attempt it.

Or at least if this could be the last time we see TVA Loki.

Even if he leaves I assume cameos are always a possibility, especially now that the studios are utilizing AI. But Loki? I‘m heartbroken, but I am very sure we have seen the last of him in TDW (and Ao3). May his reign bring him all the joy he deserves.

So last but not least:

idk, are you going to watch it?

I honestly don’t know. I certainly won’t pay for it. The last time I always watched the episodes was the day they came out so I could write my thoughts down here. But ngl, I’m tired of the fighting, the anon hate, and the feeling that opinions online are getting more important than the love for Loki. Right now, I’m trying to focus more on my fanfics than on the canon. Season 1 made me unable to continue my fics for almost a year. I don’t want to repeat that with season 2.

I still think that the show has done great harm to the fandom, to (some) people with poor mental health who needed Loki as a focus point, (some) gender-fluid or non-binary people who got exposed to sexism because of it, and possibly Tom‘s reputation (based on the google trends Infos). But for season 2 we know what to expect. We know it’s not Loki but Larry who will appear. And in this case, I think it might be best to leave the season to those it was made for, so they can enjoy it and keep as far away from it as possible.

If you want to watch it and still want to give Disney some negative feedback, I recommend watching every episode more than 7 days after it aired. Afaik Disney only counts views in the first week as real interest. Alternatively, 🏴‍☠️.

[herbeloved82]

Home under the falling snow

Daniel looked outside the window and an uncontrollable shiver shook his whole body. Winter had been his favorite season for a very long time, since he could remember he had enjoyed the falling snow that would cover the ugliness of the city, at least until the dirt turned it as gray and impure as everything else.  

In his mind as a child, Daniel had thought that under the immaculate blanket, everything that was wrong could be hidden and forgotten. Then he grew up and saw how cars and the dirt of the streets beneath the white would soon pollute the snow, turning something beautiful and pure, into a mess of waste and decay. 

That had been when he began to realize that nothing beautiful could last in a world that was made to destroy everything that was weak and fragile. 

“Come back to me, my love,” awarm voice said from behind him as a powerful chest pressed against his back. 

Oh how easy it would be to lose himself in Marius’ arms. To allow the older vampire to take away his pain and substitute it with lighter thoughts. Marius always had a healing power about him, his mind the safest and calmest place where Daniel was allowed to recover and rediscover himself again. 

“I’m right here.” Daniel said, hoping against all odds that Marius wouldn’t realize how that wasn’t the real truth. His body was there, obviously, but his mind was far, far away, in streets he hadn’t visited for decades now, in cities he couldn’t even remember.     

“Your mind is not, and I’m afraid I can’t follow where it is wandering now.” 

That was always an obstacle between them. Daniel’s terror of having his mind violated and Marius’ refusal to go sneaking there even when it appeared to be the only way to calm him down. 

“It’s nothing bad, I promise,” Daniel continued. He knew Marius  constantly worried for the people he loved. For Lestat and his fledgling, for Armand, his own beloved cherub, broken and twisted into something he was never meant to be, for the Sacred Parents who were no more, for Pandora and Bianca, even when too much happened between them and their love couldn’t be anymore. Daniel knew that and he was still shocked, every day, that he could be counted among the people Marius held close to his heart. 

“It’s just - winter reminds me of home, but I don’t know where home is anymore.” 

Daniel knew if there was someone who could understand what he meant, it was Marius. Who else had lost so much, time and time again, and still kept standing, a beacon for their kind and everyone who was lost? 

Not for the first time, Daniel wondered who had been there for him when he had needed a moment to rest to lay down the burden he always carried and rest? Sadly he knew the answer even if he didn’t want to think about it. 

“Home is such a strange concept, dear one. When I was young, still human, home was where the Penati laid. When I grew up and became a Senator, home was Rome and where she could reach. When I was taken and became the guardian of the Sacred Parents, home was their shrine. Then home became a person and I think only then I realized home is almost never a physical place.” 

Daniel slightly turned in the embrace, to look at Marius, and he realized his lover had now the saddest expression in his eyes and hated himself for forcing him into misery. He didn’t have to ask to know who Marius’ home was. 

Without thinking, Daniel opened his mouth once again, as his eyes closed, too scared to keep looking at Marius in case the man rejected what he wanted the most. 

“Would you be my home?” 

He felt Marius tensing behind him and for a moment the slow and rhythmic beat of his heart rushed, like Marius was still human, or at least maintained the human’s nature of being surprised.  

“It would be an honor.” Marius answered after a moment of silence. The time he needed to really understand what Daniel just asked and to realize that yes, he wanted to be Daniel’s home, he wanted to provide him with what had been taken from him by life and the choices he made. Perhaps, like that, they could both really begin to heal. 

As the snow kept falling outside and the world was once again hidden under the white quilt, Danuel turned in Marius’ arms and kissed his lover, hard. 

Sharp fangs cut into the perfectly shaped lips, drawing blood they shared. The fire burning in the hearth was the only witness of this moment of tenderness between immortals. 

END      

[ihaveatheoryonthat]

I've been struggling to write this up, because I keep going too far into detail whenever I try, but I really wanted to get the beginning/basics down for the Distortion Chimera AU.

This takes place well after PLA's main story, after the PC has returned home and released all but the Pokemon they were closest with.

They challenged the Path of Solitude a few times, and at least once using Giratina, so Ingo was familiar with it being one of their Pokemon.

After it's released, it can't get back to the Distortion World, so it heads to Turnback Cave. Eventually, its presence there becomes noticeable, and-- as the most experienced Pokemon handler in the Clan-- Ingo is asked to look into it.

He recognizes Giratina re: the PC, and it's able to communicate that it just wants to go home. Its connection to the rest of the Sinnoan pantheon encourages both clans to help it as a sign of cooperation.

They're able to get a hold of a way to open the Distortion World and escort Giratina to the Temple of Sinnoh to go home. (The 'party' at the temple itself is Irida, Adaman and Ingo, as the only people who are okay getting that close)

Giratina turns on them when it has this chance; it begins to drag Ingo into the Distortion World and, fearing that it will do the same to the clan leaders, he has Alakazam teleport them away.

They try to get back to the temple as quickly as possible, but it's empty when they get there. After some preparation, they (and probably another Warden from either clan) enter the Distortion World, themselves.

It's... also empty. Mostly. After some searching, they find Ingo, who's completely unresponsive. He's missing his his coat and Pokemon, but that's not important when he doesn't seem to be breathing.

They manage to get him out. Nothing changes in the 'real' world, but he's still warm, and his heart is still (slowly) beating, impossible though it sounds. They try different ways to try to wake him, but nothing ever works. By the same stroke, though, he never gets any worse.

The Pearl Clan looks after him until the clans merge, and the resulting clan carries on with Irida's wishes even after she passes. It's half tradition, and half mythology at this point.

He's only moved once the settlement has to relocate, generations later. In an effort to keep him somewhere he might recognize, if he ever woke up, he's taken to the Snowpoint Temple, and stays there until modern day.

I think the area he's in is accidentally closed off, then rediscovered around (probably after) DPPT, and someone connects the dots some time after he disappears in the current day. I want to say a few months.

Obviously Emmet comes to investigate, and then tries to figure out what can be done to wake Ingo up.

He tries a number of different legendaries. Many can't be tracked down or refuse to meet him. Of particular note: Jirachi is asleep for X00 more years, Xerneas won't respond, Zekrom answers, but can't help, and Celebi can't be found. He eventually approaches Ho-oh, who will at least see what can be done.

It meets him in Sinnoh, on the roof where they've set up, and decides that it can, in fact, help. This affliction borders close enough to being death that revival is an option.

We would get some pretty standard reunion stuff in here; it's important to note that Ingo doesn't remember any more than he had prior, right now, and is completely lost re: losing consciousness in one century and waking up centuries later.

They don't stay in Sinnoh for long; before the week is up in Unova, though, another incident occurs.

(The exact nature of this incident may be subject to change; this is just the mental image I had as of writing this)

In the middle of the night, it seems that a rift into the Distortion World tears open, and tries to drag Ingo back in. Between the two of them, they're able to keep him out/pull him back, but... things have changed.

Emmet's help gets him out up to the first set of very inhuman legs, and he's able to drag himself the rest of the way. Black feathers spread upward from the wings over the course of the night.

And this is where I'm going to stop for now: Ingo is very amnesiac, no longer human, and-- given that legends of Ho-oh's powers include the transformation from Eeveelution to Raikou, Entei and Suicune-- Emmet feels incredibly responsible.

[sigridhawke]

🌹🌾🌺🌼💫 tell me more about those crimson ocs!

Absolutely!

Since you mentioned ‘those OCs’ lmao I will answer these with the group shared last night which was Rune, Odin, Thane, and Felix! This is also going to get really long so I’ll do the first question then the rest under the cut.

🌹 Where in the world does your OC feel most at home? Is there any reason why? If it’s not the place they were born, where were they born? Is there a certain somebody that makes them feel at home where ever they may be? What does home mean to them?

Rune:

Rune feels most at home in his actual village home. He’s traveled the world before, didn’t really like it. At home he can sit on the edges of the village or in the mountain ranges leading up to it catching travelers as they come by an intentionally make their lives worse through riddles just cause he can. It’s what sparks joy for him and somehow hasn’t landed him on the side of misfortune yet. Home is the place where he can be himself without consequence.

Odin:

Odin was originally from across the seas before the cataclysms, home ended up becoming the place he built and the culture he crafted. He was the initiator of dragons making an ancient pact with nagas which lead to all dragons having essentially an ‘assigned naga.’ So being in his element makes him feel most at home/most useful. After he lost his soul whoever, things got a little complicated, but he did get it back and the man who initially planned to fight him to the death ended up saving him/he fell in love with him. While their relationship is complex, home is his territory/lair, Vespera, and his partner Thane.

Thane:

Home is a place Thane has to relearn/rediscover ever 30 years. He has the misfortune of being caught in a timeloop as a consequence of the magic used to retrieve Odin’s soul. No matter how long of those 30 years it takes tho, home (9 times out of 10) ends up being where Odin is.

Felix:

Home is and always will be Lunaria Kingdom and wherever his dear older sister is.  Born and raised in the kingdom, no matter how far he goes, Lunaria will always be home.

Rest of the questions under the cut!

[Send me Soft OC Asks] [Crimson Tag]

🌾 Describe your OC through the eyes of someone absolutely head-over-heels in love with them

These will be memes I will not apologise haha.

Rune:

He’s an insufferable bastard. But he’s my insufferable bastard (affectionate)

Odin:

No matter how many times I forget, no matter how much it pains him, he is always so patient and ready to accept whatever I make of our relationship, be it romantic or not. (Thane)

Thane:

I love a man who can kick my ass (lmfao)

Felix:

(Imagine how one would fondly describe their favourite fire emblem character, probably something like that)

🌺What does your OC do to calm down when they’re scared or after a nightmare? Do they have any special comfort items or need to be reassured by a specific person? How do they handle this if they’re alone?

Rune:

Not much scares Rune, he’s one of those idiots that would probably put his hand on a stove element out of curiosity and go ‘damn that was a bad idea.’ He does not fear dying for the foxfolk can’t die by normal means. If however he met the old god that broke out of his village’s mountain, then he would probably feel very vulnerable wondering if he might actually die.

Odin:

Odin, like all dragons, does not dream. Not because he can’t but because the dreamscape is a no go zone for dragons who don’t want to lose their soul to the god that roams there. His fear often extends to Thane and his people and their safety. He’s very adamant on trying to talk problems out to avoid escalation.  Perhaps his biggest fear is that the curse attached to himself and Thane cannot be broken, or what will happen to Thane if the curse is broken seeing as Thane is only human.

Thane:

When scared he will feek comfort in Muse (talking to the creature and/or hugging/patting it like one would a beloved pet) or hide away in Odin’s library. He has been keeping journals of his past ‘lives/cycles’ and if something terrifies him, his first point is often to look for comfort/answers in his past or seek out Odin.

Felix:

When scared Felix will seek out his sister. It’s not a common occurrence but in those moments he has doubts or fear, nothing is more reassuring to him than her words (and her baking). He’s also partial to sitting on rooftops and looking at the stars and moons to try and clear his mind.

🌼 Who are this characters friends and found family? How did they meet, how long have they been friends for, could they ever be something more than just friends? What do they look for in a friend or a romantic partner?

Rune:

Rune’s friends are anyone he decides is his friend in the moment, but also all the young fox spirits who appreciate his chaotic tendencies. He has not partner and no intention to find one, he is just out to live his best life until the Queen tells him to stop. For all his chaos he has a lot of respect for his village.

Odin:

Odin and Thane have an enemies to friends to lovers but stuck in a timeloop vibe going for them. Friends tho, Odin doesn’t have too many as he tends to outlive them all and so keeps many at arms length. He does come to treasure his time with Princess Natasha of Lunaria after learning she has magic that did not exist in his time/when the curse began and in later story to he has greater appreciation for her and makes an effort to travel across the sea to see her.

Thane:

Thane’s friend group changes every cycle, while he’s a little more reserved he’s also open to interaction and his circumstances are pretty widely known throughout the kingdom even if there is rumours and misconceptions on what actually happens. A constant in every cycles is Odin and his summon Muse who has not returned to the dreamscape ever since the curse began. There is a familiarity that always brings him back.

Felix:

Most of Felix’s friends are other members of the guard, while he’s captain there are two other guards Phyllis and Sawne, who have all climbed the ranks around the same time as himself. He has a soft place in his heart for Princess Natasha too as he was often employed to help find the Princess when she wanted to play games or avoid her studies. He sees her in part as a little sister.

💫 What is your favourite fact about this character and why?

Rune:

The horns are fake and he wears them just cause they look cool lmao. In his original story they were real and moving him over to this story it just felt wrong to take they away so now he’s just one of the foxfolk who wears a horn headband cause he can lmao. He’s an earth spirit/elemental but he acts like he’s an elemental of the stars and that’s also fun since he’s embodying the ‘I will cause chos on purpose’ vibe.

Odin:

He was originally designed by my beloved friend as part of a ‘create the most catering OC for your friend’ challenge and I absolutely fell in love with him. As such he holds a very fond place in my heart.

Thane:

When I decided he was going to be a summoner I had the big brain idea to make his main/only summon my art muse and honestly that was the best idea ever because I love my muse so much and it’s fun to actually have the big cat in a story.

Felix:

 He is a very old OC so I have a soft spot for him. He’s been through three or four iterations? Stories I never ended up finishing but throughout them all he’s always had the one arm, idk why I had that design choice initially but I really love that about him. Him how being captain of the guard and a reoccurring character in the story there is a strange sense of pride I think? Highschool me had him so emo looking and now he’s living his best life and I love that for him.

[thedaisyonthedashboard]

Midnight Rain, dorothea, tis the damn season theory:

On folklore, Taylor theoretically wrote three connecting songs about a love triangle: cardigan, august, and betty. What if, on evermore, Taylor did something similar, writing two connecting songs about a relationship: dorothea and tis the damn season?

Tis the damn season is about someone coming home for the holidays and thinking about an old flame/relationship and thinking about what it would be like to briefly get back together with them. This is someone who knows the narrator better than the narrator’s new friends, colleagues, and lovers. It’s someone that the narrator cannot fully get past.

Dorothea is from the reverse perspective of someone who was left behind in a small town. The narrator misses and recalls memories with Dorothea, someone they loved who left. In Taylor’s own words, Dorothea is, “the girl who left her small town to chase down Hollywood dreams — and what happens [in tis the damn season] when she comes back for the holidays and rediscovers an old flame.”

I believe that tis the damn season is from the perspective of the character named Dorothea – and that dorothea is from the perspective of the tis the damn season muse.

When listening to Midnight Rain the first few times, I started to notice similarities and lyrical parallels between it and dorothea. Midnight Rain is from the perspective of someone who was chasing a more glamorous life and career, and this narrator is singing about a lost love interest of theirs who wanted different, more simple things and was left behind. Below are some specific lyrical parallels.

Midnight Rain:

My town was a wasteland

Full of cages, full of fences

Pageant queens and big pretenders

But for some, it was paradise

Dorothea:

Hey Dorothea

Do you ever stop and think about me?

When it was calmer

Skipping the prom

Just to piss off your mom

And her pageant schemes

–––

Midnight Rain:

And he never thinks of me

Except when I'm on TV

Dorothea:

You got shiny friends since you left town

A tiny screen's the only place I see you now

And I got nothing but well wishes for ya

–––

Summary:

I believe that tis the damn season and Midnight Rain are from the perspective of the same person, aka Dorothea herself. And dorothea is from the perspective of Dorothea’s love interest.

I have always experienced dorothea as an almost patronizing song. The narrator is practically assuming that Dorothea is utterly unhappy in her new life and that she could be better off going home to them. While there may be truth in this, it is an oversimplification of the situation. The narrator is frozen in time in this life that they once had with Dorothea, and they seem to want to keep Dorothea frozen in time with them as well.

Even though TDS and Midnight Rain are from the perspective of the same person, they are very different songs. TDS is a soft, gentle, reflective song. The narrator, Dorothea, looks back longingly on her relationship with her lover. She is tempted to get back together briefly over the holidays, but she knows that it could never last.

Midnight Rain, on the other hand, feels like much more of a direct response to the patronizing, assumption filled tone of dorothea. Midnight Rain very clearly sends the message that while Dorothea cares deeply for her ex and part of her wishes that their relationship could have worked out, the two of them are wildly incompatible. Her ex wants a simple, happy life, while Dorothea is chasing fame and a much more glamorous, untraditional life. These two people’s interests, dreams, and lives are incompatible and likely always will be.

The question is, of course, who are Dorothea and her ex?

I think that Taylor is Dorothea, and some unnamed person is her ex. At this point, Taylor is much more famous than anyone she has ever been linked to romantically. She has made it clear in songs like Lavender Haze that she has very mixed/negative feelings about ‘settling down’ into any sort of traditional marriage and life. Now that both Taylor and her ex have moved on, the only place that her ex sees her is on tv or in magazines.

As to whom Dorothea’s love interest is, it could be various people – it’s likely someone who was quite serious about Taylor, but ultimately was forced to let her go because they wanted something she could never give them.

In addition, as we know, if the characters in the folklore love triangle are based off of a real life triangle Taylor experienced later in life – clearly Taylor was placing the real life people in a mostly fictional setting. I think that Taylor is likely doing a similar thing with the characters of Dorothea and her love interest. The real life version of Dorothea’s ex is not necessarily a childhood friend from Taylor’s literal hometown. I believe it could be a more recent ex who is just closely tied to a specific place Taylor lived in and a time in her life.

[void-of-unparalled-chaos]

So glad to see someone acknowledge repatriation efforts! I feel like a ton of people think that it's the scientists and academics who are the problem, but in my experience, the overwhelming majority of them are all for repatriation and are actively working towards it. Major setbacks are typically at a governmental level, and even if we manage to fix that mess, it's still going to take time because well...

You would think that academic and museum collections would be organized. As someone who has actively worked in curation, I am telling you they are not and that also causes issues for repatriation.

In the case of the paleontology curation I used to work with, it was a bit more straight forward than it would have been with Archaeological artifacts (paleo has less governmental protections than arch, which is fucking awful in many ways but slightly beneficial in terms of repatriation efforts). The collection had lost funding about 30 years prior and just regained it when they hired myself and my PI.

During those thirty years, most of our specimens sat stagnant in the cabinets, but a ton of it also went missing. There were also a lot of fossils that didn't have all of their proper information recorded such as when/where it was recovered or what it was. This causes issues, because typically (at least by USA law), the ownership of a fossil is whoever's land it was found on, and ownership of land changes hands over time. If we want to repatriate something, we need to know who we are repatriating it too, hence the need for a recovery time and location. Then there was all the missing stuff. We could look at our papers and see that we are supposed to have 45 specimens from Morrocco, but sometimes they just aren't where they are supposed to be. It will say on paper that they are in cabinet C7 but sometimes they aren't, and now you have to figure out where they went.

Despite this we were still successful in begining the repatriation process for some fossils, and to my knowledge, at least a few of them have already been sent on their way!

Archaeology has these same issues with that extra level of governmental restrictions. An example: my university.

My university has an active archaeology program and is also home to the state repository of archaeological artifacts. This unfortunately includes human remains, specifically Native American remains which were sourced unethically back in the 30s 40s and 50s. Even with the law now in favor of their repatriation, it's super difficult to figure out where exactly they belong because many of these skeletons were shoved in cabinets in the back of one of the classrooms without proper identification information and were forgotten about until they were rediscovered just recently.

The department wants to repatriate them, but they have NO IDEA who these people were, nevermind what tribe they were from. I don't know what specifically is being done right now, but I know the remains were relocated to a safer, more proper storage location. I believe the possibility of genetic testing has been discussed, but in order for that to work the tribes in the area would have to agree to be tested too, and people don't always want to provide their genetic information. Basically the department is at an impasse last I checked.

All this is to say that the majority of scientists and academics are trying, but repatriation is not as straightforward as you might be led to believe. Keep putting preassure on the right people to get those governmental restrictions redacted, and don't buy artifacts from shady people, especially Native American ones if you live in the USA. If for whatever reason one comes into your possession, I strongly urge you to give it to the correct people so that steps to repatriate it can begin.

“The entire British museum is an active crime scene” - John Oliver

[lesbiancharliedalton]

between 2020-2023 i got soooo stuck. like it was a total accident i just happened to move back home with my dad in late 2019 with the intention of moving back out in a few months but womp womp noise. so obviously that didn't happen and i spent the whole time just working and doing absolutely fuckall. i saved up a shit ton of money, enough money to allow me to live off of savings for a few years LITERALLY which is what i'm doing rn (maybe not the best idea but like i can do it. so whatever.) but i didn't do anything. i didn't make any friends. i didn't go out by myself i didn't meet new people i didn't hang out with anyone other than my dad, my mom when i would visit her and my much older long-distance FWB who i had to fly out to see.

and i just like fell into this once i got comfortable with it and stayed there bc i didn't know what else to do. like by the time it became a possibility to move back out i just felt too stuck. i didn't want the same thing to happen where i moved to a new city without a job and let my bank account deplete until i moved back in with my dad so i just worked and did nothing. i like completely forgot how to socialize with people i forgot how to do EVERYTHING i only hung out with those people literally. like i didn't talk to anyone else except online.

and finally my jobs like drove me to insanity bc they fucking sucked and i was so fucking miserable that i kept having meltdowns but therapy never helped me because i just wasn't committed. i was like way too stuck in my ways to stop being miserable and i was too afraid of failure so i was like well at least this way i'm a consistent failure i know what's going to happen. if i try anything else i'll get my hopes up and fuck up again! also i had this weird dependency on my FWB bc of many different extremely complicated reasons that i can't talk about on here but that's an entirely different situation ahahaha

and it literally did all turn around when i rewatched dps it was literally like i flipped a switch in my head and i was like. i know what i have to do now. and at the same time my best friend who i hadn't hung out with in years who i kind of drifted apart from for 2 years needed a new roommate in chicago. and i was like yeah i have to do go do that now. and then i spent a year trying to like rediscover myself and make up for all the lost time i was just stagnant and waiting around for someone to save me.

i started thinking about my identity and who i am and what i want and obviously that eventually led me to realizing i'm a lesbian and not bisexual and i would never be happy if i kept trying to date men (which i did exclusively bc i didn't feel like i was good enough to be with a woman, especially not a lesbian. like lol i literally was like they're too cool for me i could never be one because i'm not good enough. they're so much better than i am. akjfdskjkskgkshd)

and now i live with my best friend and i go to events constantly and i go to the lesbian bar by myself frequently after years of feeling like i wasn't good enough to put myself in LGBT spaces. and i meet new people every single time. i go to dating events and other shit like that even though i spent years without like, any socialization whatsoever outside of my parents and like. a couple other people. !!!!!

i've dated more people this year than any other year of my life and i met every single one at the gay bar and none of them worked out and i experienced my first lesbian heartbreak but i also experienced lesbian sex for the very first time (like aside from experimenting with friends etc) and also it's actually beautiful to have feelings. it's actually beautiful to have emotions and feel things for people and that includes the negative stuff :-)

anyway idfk whatever.

[whatdoeseverybodywant]

Rebuild & Restore and it's prequel or first installment of the series...it brought back the soap opera in my life that I miss and love. How you have me rooting for Jey again is like, woah, I didn't expect it lol.

Hear me out and I hope none of this makes you feel a way, because I am seated for this story's journey :) Kiyana has some introspection to do. There's a lot of hot girl summer behavior when at her heart, she wants to be happy and at home in love. With who, we shall see of course, but your writing makes me feel so many emotions, I'm trying to process it all.

I get the wanting to get back at Jey, but with Joe was almost too far for me. The way you wrote it, I felt Jey's pain on that. Joe lost respect from me when he called Jey so he could hear him with Kiyana. I couldn't believe he truly loved Kiyana at all after that. It felt like he needed to up the competition. Such a violation and Kiyana barely speaking to him isn't enough for me.

Kiyana even having a secret with Joe before marrying Jey is telling in itself that they would be rocky. How you go to another's close family member like that and both of y'all grinning in his face at family events like that? Betrayal from a relative or with a relative you love so deeply hits different, but that's because in my mind, there's levels to mess and chaos.

Jey was all the way wrong for his affair, stringing the other girl along, and living this double life. They couldn't survive that.

Again, your writing made me also look at the fact that Jey was going through the losses Kiyana experienced too, but felt like he didn't have anyone. That isolated feeling makes deception so much easier. You're split from your moral code and compartmentalize things easier. He should have never ever cheated, but you also made me understand his own mindset at the time.

I appreciate Joe trying to mend things with Jey, because he really did some messed up things too. You don't take advantage of someone you claim to love at their most vulnerable (club hook up). I'm still working on my feelings about him here lol.

Kiyana I know made a lot of sacrifices for her family, but she also has to come to terms with the fact that those were her choices too. To compare the doctor to Jey in terms of being a "cheating sociopath" was a bit much for me, but I think it's because you're too good at showing so many sides to people and situations 💛 I see you showing glimpses of how Jey is trying.

I think Kiyana will also have to accept the fact that she, too, has a lot of growing to do. They had a lot of secrets and lies that made their foundation crack from the start. I'd love to see what happens if Jey and Kiyana mature and allow themselves to rediscover each other with lessons learned.

Your writing makes me question and challenge myself to really think about situations and people from all sides. It's easy to say what we'd do in some situations, but the reality can be so different. Thank you for sharing your writing :)

Im gonna assume this is the last anon but. STILL YOU GOT ME CRYING AGAIN LOL 🥲

ME ANSWERING SOME OF THESE WILL ACTUALLY SPOIL THE REST OF THE PLOT LOL. BUT THANK YOU REALLY FOR THIS. IT MADE MY NIGHT ❤️

[ironvaliance]

disclaimer about my liveblog/note taking & a general quick review of some of my opinions.

under a cut for spoilers / length. i'll try and make sure that my posts after the first two - which are up to 10 minutes into the movie - have a cut to them so that anyone who hasnt watched tales of arcadia can have a chance to view the three series first. please do. it's done so much for my brain chemicals.

so i've watched trollhunters: rise of the titans once through. i know this movie is going to hurt watching it. i personally feel like a lot of how the movie runs does jim a disservice. i felt like he'd been pushed aside in wizards a bit too much. yes, wizards is douxie's series for us to get to know him, as well as flesh out some of the other characters we meet in trollhunters' endgame like morgana, merlin & douxie himself and add some new characters. it's relatively successful in my opinion, in keeping up with how the other two series of tales of arcadia feels.

i started really writing fic and being active in this fandom under starconsequence/trolljim on ao3 & formerly tomearts - now teacuptomes! i run a jim rp blog @trollamulet & i have a few others, but jim has been my main squeeze putty boy since my partner just. put trollhunters on while i was home and had me watch it, since she heard that 3below was releasing season one. she thought she should finish it up, and i was introduced to jim lake jr fairly early in. it was after they got gunmar's birthstone from gato's keep, and blinky was (temporarily) human.

this is to say - most of these are just so i have an archive of fairly detailed play-by-play notes of what entails in this movie for quick reference to comply with some canon. however, i treat tales of arcadia after 3below a bit like a sandbox; one with some of the staff also building castles with us at the time.

the movie feels a lot like a heartbreak, like i'm jim and i've lost my amulet. jim remained in my heart, deep within. watching. waiting for me to rediscover the spark i have for the series. he truly is someone that burns brightest in darkest times. however, getting back into toa, i'm attacking my fanfic 'i've got to find my soul all before i sleep', rewriting it since it's a post-wizards, pre-rott canon divergent thing that i wrote, starting directly after finishing wizards.

if you want - go read the original version. i'm keeping it up on ao3 as is, however i will be posting a newer version & finishing the planned chapter 3 i left it with for so long that my interpretation and writing style has slightly changed.

so, yeah. these posts serve as a half-liveblog, half-note archive. part troll part hunter kind of experience. maybe i might watch the movie again to transcribe it - some of the subtitles on netflix are missing words here and there. nothing much, you don't miss too many things, but i personally get irritated if what i'm reading and what i hear are different. thanks adhd.

i'll probably also archive this experience on my nc blog too. please look forward to it!

and if you dared to venture here, and you havent watched trollhunters, please take the time to do so. i joke it's required watching if you want to be my friend, but i would never force you to view it to talk with me. i appreciate if you do.

[neteluvr-library]

THIS FUCKING CHAPTER!!!!!!!!! I think this was the chapter that made me rediscover Illicit Affairs because it's the first chapter I commented on 🤣 AND THANK THE LORD I DID bc it led me to u 🥰 LSO? You posted Chapter 1 on Feb 5th...and posted this on Feb 15th. YOU WERE LITERALLY CRAZY FOR THAT!!!! You were constantly updating like every two days 😭 IK you said you barely slept throughout this entire time, but the dedication is unreal. i followed you at some point and i was like holy fuck how does this girl write so fast

I remember feeling so shocked at the end because I wasn't expecting the ending, but also I fucking loved it because the introduction of Neteyam's betrothed made it even angstier. What can I say? I'm a sucker for the man and girl in love but man has a fiance out of duty trope sekfnjkrhgnfdkfnkd it justs so angsty and you never know how its going to play out. absolute genius move and it kept me on my toes until the next chapter.

“I am serious, Angel. You’ve been in my life for as long as I can remember. You have always been the only one to see me for more than just a freak, or a fuck-up, or a disappointment. You see me.”

My poor baby Lo'ak ): I love him so much and I'm so happy he gets his ending happy in The Archer and James' better not play any fucking games next movie. I ALREADY LOST NETEYAM I WILL NOT TAKE ANY ABUSE OR NEGETIVTY TOWARDS LOAK

“Oh… I see.” He was now turning his back to you, trying to leave without looking you in the eye. You were not going to let that happen.

He's definitely caught up on the fact that Atan has this new body and now is his chance to be with the only someone who would mate with him but hang in there Lo ): you will find your person soon'

We were in the backseat, drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar…

I rent a place on Cornelia Street, I say casually in the car…”

THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SCENES IN ILLICIT AFFAIRS LIKE ACTUALLY!!!

“I never did walk Cornelia Street again after that day, you know? I kept my promise.” 

THIS QUOTE!!! one of your quotes that has stuck with me since i first saw it! its so vulnerable, but so simple. atan isn't bearing her chest with a long-worded speech, but she is bearing her chest with the comparison of cornelia street, and what it means, to their clearing. cornelia street is one of taylors saddest songs to me but also one of her strongest displays of love.

I was afraid I was going to miss you and no one would be able to let you through the door. It never occurred to me you wouldn’t show - not until the dawn of the next day. That’s when it hit.”

OOOF THATS GOT A KICK!!!! I think almost every girl can relate to this anxiety of waiting for the person they want/love show up for them. it literally makes us go insane! and the hurt and disappointment that comes after they fail to show up ): it's almost like...did that really happen? you question whether they actually did that to you and what it means as a whole. ESPECIALLY ON ATAN'S BIRTHDAY ): yeah i spent my 21st birthday on bad terms with my ex boyfriend and he didn't even wish my a happy birthday and i waited all morning and afternoon for him so say something so this hit a little close to home (my all too well moment LOL?)

“I never had any expectations. I was never delusional enough to think that you would ever choose me. But I did have dreams. And in the dreams, you told me you loved me too, and that whatever it was, we would always be able to work through it together.

NO BECAUSE THIS ENTIRE PARAGRAPH??? I LOVE IT SO MUCH. i don't even know what to say except i love it?? atan's hurt really show through this paragraph ): suffice to say this paragraph is one of my favorites that you've written (yes i have favorites and could easily pinpoint them)

“You heard me. I saw you. I saw you in the forest, his hands all over you, I saw you running your hand up and down his arm. I’ve known he has been sneaking in your tent for weeks. What are you doing with my baby brother in your tent late at night, Y/N?”

Neteyam really is stupid LMFAOOO he didnt even use Atan so thats how you know he's mad

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE II: ANGER

*SVU THEME SONG*

I don’t owe you anything. You fucking left, Neteyam! We’re nothing to each other.

GET HIS ASS ATAN!!!!

You felt a sick satisfaction at his demeanour. You made him like this, this angry, nose flared and panted breaths, you had this power over him. Just the thought of you with another man drove him to this point, and you loved it. He deserved it, deserves much worse. 

I WOULD BE EATING THIS SHIT UP !!! well i am eating it up but if this was irl.....i would be jumping over the moon with glee

It wasn’t possible for you to finish the sentence, as his lips roughly slammed against yours, and you immediately, as if your body needed no input from your mind, raised your hands to the circle around his neck, pushing him closer to you. 

YOU WERE SUCH A TEASE FOR THIS!!!!

The dizziness you felt was more than just a weak headache you could ride out, but a sign your human body was fighting to maintain the neurolink inside the pod. You didn’t have much time. 

I'm literally giggling bc i love what's about to come..

The holy grail, injectable morphine. You hastily grabbed a syringe and a needle, measured out the amount needed, shook the syringe to remove any air bubbles, and directed it to your arm, where you injected it in your vein.

NO BC I WAS SHOCKED LIKE MORPHINE???? atan is at a point of desperation that is hard to come back from ): we're about to get dark atan omggggg

“You will tell her by the end of the week, or I will.” 

clueless little me still thinking this is about neteyam confessing...i felt validated bc they didn't have a chance to talk so it was like yeah ofc he hasn't confessed they haven't talk but he will soon

There was a lot of pain in your life, but this family would always be your good karma, it seemed. 

I love that Atan's bond extends and exists outside of Neteyam!! Like yeah the world doesn't revolve around men..

You knew you were bonded for life, shared a kinship and bond no one could break until one of you died, maybe even after. The feeling of belonging, as you watched 5 other ikran fly alongside yours and help you through your first of many adventures in the sky. You felt grateful and happy to have made it so far before the inevitable end.

ATAN DESERVES ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD 😭

“You drive me crazy when you roll your eyes at me, you know? I would kill to be the reason your eyes roll in the back of your head at night.”

hjfnkjjfdbvkjnvjfk HE WAS ACTUALLY BOLD FOR SAYING THAT AND IM JUST REALIZING HIS COMMENT NOW

Oh, it seems much better now than what was described. I guess it’s true what they say, you really are that skilled.” She turned her attention to you and smiled. 

“Thank you. I don’t think we’ve properly met.”

“You’re right, my bad! I’m Tiongli. Neteyam’s mate.” 

*EVIL LAUGHTER* you really are something andra because THIS CAUGHT ME SOOO OFF GUARD I SWEAR!!! i just love this trope so much and i cant believe you included it. I FULLY THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A SIMPLE HAPPY ENDING this is the first time where i was like oh the author is sadistic (hence why i commented). i wAS APPALLED I WAS SHOCKED I WAS MOVED i mean this is the chapter and reveal that cemented me as an illicit affairs stan. i was like yup okay now i have to see how this plays out and i have to follow the author because i need to finish this. IT JUST AMAZING!!!!!

OAKY i finished this at 1:30 AM oops. I AM SO EXCITED TO ANNOTATE THE REMAINING THREE CHAPTERS!!!! LIKE JUMPING OVER THE MOON BC THEY ARE MY FAVORITE!!!! im definitely going to dedicate some time next weekend so i can sit down and FULLY get into the last three chapters bc they will have a lot of annotations and it will get serious. i'll start earlier next time though hehehe anyway cant wait to hear back from you...also sorry babe i know i have annotated five chapters within week and you are busy so pls take your time responding if you need to <3 i thought i would have more notes on this chapter but i think i was just so excited for the end i didn't leave any notes on any of the rites of passage scenes but know i did love those too. OKAY GOODNIGHT!!!

Illicit Affairs | Chapter VII: Hoax

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: Tensions erupt when Neteyam confronts you about something he saw. His secret comes out at the worst time, leaving you both in pieces. 

Warnings: (a little) smut (18+, Minors DNI), angst, mentions of blood mentions of death, injury, pills, pill addiction, opioid addiction, disease, cursing, some fluff + all the feels.

Word Count: 9,5k words (holy mother)

A/N: This is it, guys! Where tensions explode and secrets come come out, hearts are bound to be broken. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I put everything into it. I cried whilst writing it, I laughed whilst writing it, pretty sure I experienced the full spectrum of human emotions whilst doing this. Also, I have ignored my actual work to finish it, so if I fail my annual progression review, at least it would have been worth it. Let me know what you think, and as always, thank you for everyone who is reading is and asked to be tagged &lt;;3

"My only one, my kingdom come undone My broken drum, you have beaten my heart Don't want no other shade of blue, but you No other sadness in the world would do"

“There are perks with being an Omatikaya, you know? You can make your bow out of the wood of the Home Tree… and you can choose a mate.” 

Fuck. 

“Lo’ak… be serious.”

“I am serious, Angel. You’ve been in my life for as long as I can remember. You have always been the only one to see me for more than just a freak, or a fuck-up, or a disappointment. You see me.”

The younger Sully boy gently cupped you face in his hand; he was caressing your cheek with his thumb. Using a little force, he willed your face upwards so you could look up at his face; you were surprised to see the intensity in his eyes. 

You placed your hand on his arm, and you hoped by slowly massaging it, it would relax him enough to soften your following words. 

“Lo’ak… I do see you. You are an incredible person. You have been there for me my whole life, and I will be forever grateful to you. You have been the only one who constantly chose the dark stuffy lab to the beauty of this world because the labs had me in it, you were closest to my mum and she loved you like you were her own. I think you are the most amazing guy there is and I think your mate will be the luckiest girl there is. But that’s not me, Lo’ak. You know that can’t be me.”

His hand dropped from your face and both of his hands took yours in them, squeezing them ardently. 

“But it is you. It has to be you.” 

“Kehe (no). Lo’ak, you are my best friend. I am your best friend. I love you so much, and I know you love me too, but the love we have for each other is not the kind of love one needs to be mated for life.” 

You spoke softly, looking at him pleadingly, hoping that he would understand your words in the way that you intend them. You can see his gaze drop and form deflate, being replaced by a meek one, a shadow of his former self. 

“Oh… I see.” He was now turning his back to you, trying to leave without looking you in the eye. You were not going to let that happen.

“I’m not letting you leave.” You say, keeping his hands tightened in yours. “We will talk about this, and you will recognise I am right.” 

Neteyam was having trouble seeing as he was manoeuvring his way through the forest. He felt sick to his stomach and every heartbeat sent waves of hurt through his entire body, like shards of glass gutting him from inside out. How could his own brother do this? How could you do this? He has spent more than two months with you, every day, sending touches and glances your way that were begging to be seen, begging to be acknowledged. He secretly prayed that you would call him out on it, give him a reason to finally tell you that he’s loved you since he was 10 and yearned for your touch since the second his eyes fell on you again after a whole year apart. He wanted you to finally give him a reason to tell everyone to fuck off and let him finally live his life by his own rules, with you by his side. 

Neteyam was shaking with tempestuous fury at the unfairness of it all. Lo’ak will always get everything just handed to him on a silver platter, won’t he? Freedom, to make his own choices, to live his life as he wished, carelessly and devoid of any forethought or responsibility. And now he got you, the woman of his dreams - and nightmares - and the future he used to fantasise would one day be his. 

His legs were moving without any conscious input from his mind, and before long, he found himself on the way to the clearing you and him used to go to all the time. Your place, just for his and your eyes to see, just for his and your hearts to experience. As he was nearing, he heard soft sounds emerging from the spot, and he slowly, carefully approached with a bow at the ready and all his senses heightened. 

“We were in the backseat, drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar…

I rent a place on Cornelia Street, I say casually in the car…”

Soft strumming and the most beautiful voice he has ever heard, a voice that he would recognise anywhere, for the rest of time, made him drop the bow he was gripping tightly. That song, Neteyam thought with a wince, and let himself remember.

“This piece of heaven is our Cornelia Street.” 

“What’s Cornelia Street?”

“Well, it’s a place back on Earth where one of her houses used to be, but in this case, it’s a metaphor. Cornelia Street is to them what this clearing is to us.” 

A month before your 17th birthday is the last day Neteyam saw you. He was coming to say goodbye. You didn’t know that, and, in your enthusiasm at seeing him after such a long time because of his training, or so he told you, you suggested coming here. Neteyam remembers everything about that day. He didn’t sleep that night, cried himself to sleep quietly in his family’s tent thinking of the possibility of not seeing you again, for a long time, perhaps forever. He had decided that his mum was right. Being around you was hurting you both, and maybe by leaving, both of you could heal and move on. He wouldn’t have to live with causing you more pain than you already had to deal with, and you wouldn’t have to go outside, something that you were only doing for him, it seemed. It was a win-win, he thought, and yet his heart was torn apart, coming apart at the seams of wounds that barely healed. 

You were sitting on the ground, resting your back on a rock by the river bank, with the same guitar in your hands you have had since you were young. Neteyam thought he probably heard thousands of songs being played on that guitar, countless hours laying just like he was now, hearing you sing. He did not like humans, could not understand them, their world, their traditions, their beliefs, but watching you strum that guitar and singing about your love, a love neither of you could ever say out loud except in this way, he realised humans did some things right. Humanity did you right. 

“We were a fresh page on the desk, filling in the blanks as we go

As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead, leading us home”

Neteyam watched you intently, and was trying to assimilate the lyrics as best he could, knowing this was always your preferred method of communication, knowing that through these songs you are confessing your true, buried desires. You looked at him as you sang, giving him a big smile.

“And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again”

A year and a half later, inhabiting a new body, you were not smiling anymore as you were playing this, the strumming on the guitar slower and more sorrowful, and your voice sounded hoarse, like you had been crying. Neteyam couldn’t believe that you would come here, in his and your secret place and sing the song you silently confessed your feelings to, after what he saw. He felt his anger poison his body, as his heart picked up pace and made his heartbeat ring painfully in his ears, muffling the sound of your voice. 

“I never did walk Cornelia Street again after that day, you know? I kept my promise.” 

Neteyam freezes in place, a shocked expression marring his features. You heard him, even with your back to him, even while playing and with the soft hum of the river to dull your senses, you knew. Felt him, his presence that charged this clearing like the air before lighting strike. He, however, does not seem to hear the hint of sadness in your voice, nor the sniffling that accompanies it. 

“It took me a while to figure out you weren’t going to come back. It did not dawn on me right away. I thought you were just training hard, as you had been for years at that point, I didn’t think anything of it. I only figured it out a month after I played you this song, when my birthday came and you didn’t show. I waited all day. Way past eclipse, way past the point everyone else was gone and sleeping peacefully, I waited. I didn’t sleep that night. I was afraid I was going to miss you and no one would be able to let you through the door. It never occurred to me you wouldn’t show - not until the dawn of the next day. That’s when it hit.”

“I remember singing you this song, I was terrified. I mean, we talked around it all of our lives, I sang you songs, and I read you poems, and you’d sleep in my bed and let me attach myself to you in a way no friend ever would. But this song, I thought, would be the one. The one that would make us finally have to talk through it. The night before, I had watched an episode of Gilmore Girls, right? And it’s that episode when Dean pitches up at Rory’s school after she drops him hints that she’s in love with him, and he gets mad for one reason or another and then she screams at him “I love you, you idiot!”. And he drops all the stuff he was holding and rushes to her and kisses her, like really kisses her. And I remember thinking, I’m going to sing you this song, and this will be my “I love you, you idiot” moment.”

Neteyam walked slowly towards your form that was still turned around from him, and felt two forces tugging at him, ripping him apart. On one hand, there was the rage, and jealousy, the monster that wanted to scream at you, to hurt you for breaking his heart without even acknowledging it. On the other, there was deep sadness and grief, for the new information that he is receiving, for knowing what this meant to you, what he did to you, how he left you the day that you confessed, how that only strengthened his resolve. He didn’t know which was going to win. 

“I never had any expectations. I was never delusional enough to think that you would ever choose me. But I did have dreams. And in the dreams, you told me you loved me too, and that whatever it was, we would always be able to work through it together. That day after my birthday, I felt like something ripped apart in me that I’ve never recovered from. I’ve lost so much of myself throughout the years, every time something new came up. I’ve been in pieces, broken and shattered, my whole life, and yet somehow you managed to walk away with the biggest piece. Because I could never put you in a drawer at the bottom of my desk, like all my other pieces. You were never truly gone, you were just far enough that I could never reach you, but near enough that I could never heal. I mourned you, mourned the me that you took with you, every day for months. Losing you broke me, Neteyam. You broke me. I will never forgive you for that night.”

“Well I guess we’re both fucking disappointed with each other then.” 

Neteyam saw you shoulders hunch even more than they were and your head bow towards the ground. You hand raised to your cheeks and wiped something off your face, before you finally stood up and and turned around, facing him. Neteyam’s breath caught in his throat at the new sight. Your eyes were puffy and red, and tears marked your cheeks, so pronounced it was as if they would stain your face forever. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He felt his own tears threatening to spill then, pricking at his eyes painfully, begging to be released. There was so much pain inside of him, pain you caused him, pain for the hurt he knew he caused you, pain that felt like it will never diminish. 

“You’re sitting here, talking about that night and this song, in this place that once meant so much to us, after giving yourself to another man, to my fucking brother, and you want me to feel bad?”

He saw your face slowly register his words, as if you were mulling over every word carefully, turning it in your mind, and saw how your face went from sad to cold and unflinching and a shiver ran down his spine. You rose an eyebrow at him, an expression only he seemed to have the power to coax out of you. 

“What did you just say?” 

“You heard me. I saw you. I saw you in the forest, his hands all over you, I saw you running your hand up and down his arm. I’ve known he has been sneaking in your tent for weeks. What are you doing with my baby brother in your tent late at night, Y/N?”

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE II: ANGER

“You honestly have some fucking nerve, Neteyam.” 

“You do not get to come here, come to this place, or any place for that matter and demand an explanation from me. I don’t owe you anything. You fucking left, Neteyam! We’re nothing to each other. Whatever claim or right you might have had once to ask anything of me or from me is long gone.” 

Neteyam stalked towards where you were standing, your words echoing in his mind. He was mad, mad at you for what you did, but also mad at himself. Because he knew you were right. He had no right to come here after abandoning you and the relationship you two had and be angry that you moved on. And yet he was. 

He was so close to you now he could feel your breath fanning over his face as you looked up at him, panting with anger, lips slightly opened. He couldn’t help look at them, those lips he has dreamed about for years, the way they’d feel on him, their taste… your taste. It was driving him insane, being so close to you, knowing what he knew. 

“Why? Why Lo’ak? You could have picked anyone else.”

You chuckled bitterly. “Really? So if I picked Akoa or Tärze, you wouldn’t be here right now, wouldn’t be mad and looking at me like somehow I betrayed you?” 

“Or is it possible it doesn’t actually matter who it is, it’s not the fact that it’s Lo’ak… it’s the fact it’s not you.” 

“You see, I think deep down you know it should have been you. I think deep down it kills you that you are not in my tent late at night. You’re not the one that gets to touch me.” he felt your hand place over his bare chest and run it down his abdomen until it reached his red loin cloth, which you slightly tugged at. He felt his cock twitch in response. 

You don’t know what came over you. You came here to mourn, still reeling after your conversation with Lo’ak. You never expected to see him here, hear his presence while you sang the song that once signified hope and love, and now is just a bitter reminder of all you’ve lost. You definitely never expected him to question you over Lo’ak, or be so angry over something that would never happen anyway. 

You were furious with him, furious that he never told you how he felt for you, and now he was clearly showing it to you by his displays of anger and jealousy. This was not how this was supposed to go. 

You felt a sick satisfaction at his demeanour. You made him like this, this angry, nose flared and panted breaths, you had this power over him. Just the thought of you with another man drove him to this point, and you loved it. He deserved it, deserves much worse. 

“You should leave, Neteyam.”

You started turning your back to him, but he took hold of your arm and kept you in place forcefully. His other hand went to your neck, and you felt him wrapping his hand around it and squeezing. 

“No.” 

You were shocked at his actions, and even more shocked at the immediate reaction your body had to him. You felt throbbing deep within you, and squeezed your thighs tightly together to accommodate for the feeling. 

“I’m not leaving until you tell me. Did you fuck my brother, Atan (light)?” 

He was still squeezing your throat, and you felt your pulse quickening when he moved and took a hold of you jaw, forcing you to look in his eyes. He looked mad, sad, desperate for an answer that would either mend or break him. You felt his intense stare in every cell in your body and felt yourself clench around nothing. 

You wanted to lie, wanted to see him suffer at least some of the hurt he’s caused you. But you couldn’t, not with how he was looking at you, not with how he was holding you. 

“Fuck you, Neteyam. I would never do that. Fuck you for thinking for a second that something like would ever even cross my mi-“

It wasn’t possible for you to finish the sentence, as his lips roughly slammed against yours, and you immediately, as if your body needed no input from your mind, raised your hands to the circle around his neck, pushing him closer to you. 

You moaned into the kiss, and the sound removed any ounce of sanity or self-discipline from his being, and he opened his mouth to deepen the kiss and slide his tongue over your bottom lip, begging for permission. 

He felt his hand drop back around your throat, squeezing, loving the feel of your quickened pulse, knowing he was responsible for it, for your swollen lips and dilated pupils, for the way you were squeezing your thighs together. You were his, to love, to touch, to do whatever he wanted to. 

He was so hard now, his loincloth was constricting around him painfully, and he knew if he kept going, he was not going to able to stop himself until you were writhing underneath him, until he made you beg and scream his name over and over, all night long. 

“Pathfinder, this is Devil Dog, come in, over.” 

Fuck. 

Your body ached at the loss of contact, as Neteyam removed his hand from around your throat and his lips from your own. He was panting, and tried to steady himself before he touched the little button on the radio on his neck, sighing deeply. 

“I’m here, Devil Dog. What’s your post? Over.” 

You turned your back to him, and took a few steps towards the river, trying to compose yourself. What the fuck did I just do? This was bad, for so many reasons, it was making you dizzy just counting them all. You couldn’t hear what Jake was saying to Neteyam, but it couldn’t have been good, it was very rare Jake would use the radio to communicate with his kids, you’ve only seen it once when there was a hunting accident that needed everyone’s attention. 

“You need to get back to the village, now. We have a situation. If Y/N is with you, bring her back, too. Over and out.” 

Shit, this can’t be good, Neteyam thought to himself. He looked over at you and saw you turned your back to him, hiding. You were good at that, pretending, denying, avoiding. Pushing your feelings aside was your favourite defence mechanism, had been ever since your mum died. 

His eyes softened and he felt stupid for having doubted you, for spending so many weeks losing sleep over something that never even happened. Guilt also immediately pooled in his gut from the kiss, the confession, the implications of it, all of which things he would have to deal with sooner or later. The horror at the thought of the consequences of his actions made his skin crawl, but he didn’t have too much time to dwell on it, knowing his dad expected them to hurry.

“Hey… we have to get back, dad said to meet him in the village.”

You nodded weakly in his direction, and started making your way towards the village. Once again, he found himself having to clasp your arm by your wrist and turn you around so you could face him. You refused to look at him, so he cupped your face in his hand and raised you head gently so you could look at him. His thumb was ghosting over your lips, that were still swollen and when his eyes met yours, he saw a sadness so deep it made Pandora’s oceans feel like shallow pools. 

“We need to talk, properly talk.” 

You just nodded silently and removed his hand from your face, and the last thing he saw was your back, walking away. 

You were deep in thought as you arrived in the village, and were pulled out of your musings when you saw a big commotion happening all around you. You have never seen the village like this.

There was a crowd of people by the big bonfire, so that’s where you and Neteyam figured to look first. 

“…and no matter what comes next, we will stand and fight, together!” You heard big screams and ululating as Jake’s voice boomed throughout the village, above all the noise. 

You saw Norm and Max, all the humans and avatars on the right of the Olo’yektan. On his left stood Mo’at, Neytiri and all their children, plus Spider. Lo’ak was screaming and beating his chest, whilst Kiri looked concerned, and Tuk was almost crying, with a tight grip on her mum’s hand. You made your way through the mass of people, reaching the foot of the large tree stump acting like a platform. Jake spotted you and helped you up, and you saw Neteyam following you from the corner of your eye. 

Since the speech was done, people started dissipating, and Jake turned his attention to the pair of you. 

“Last night, Neytiri and I spotted a star in the night sky that shone brighter than it ever had before.” 

Panic rose in your chest at his words, words that you knew could only mean one thing. “The humans are returning.” you said, meekly. 

Jake nodded in your direction with anger flashing across his face, before he composed himself. 

“We knew this day was coming, but it is definitely different when it is finally happening than the image you had in your head.” you heard Norm pitch in from somewhere behind Jake. 

“How long?” Neteyam asked. 

“About a week?” Max said, and the man with such a kind and gentle face was scared, you realised sadly. Everyone was scared. 

“Fuck.” Neteyam’s face was unreadable. The war he trained all his life for was finally on his doorstep. 

“I need you to complete your Iknimaya before then. Tomorrow, you will go perform your first kill. You are more than ready. It’s time. When the humans come, I need you with me. With us.”

You couldn’t swallow the lump that has formed in your throat enough to speak, so you just nodded. You were not ready. The last time you were on an Ikran, you almost died. You felt the phantom pain on your left leg flare up, and you were terrified at the prospect of another flashback triggering as you were fighting for your life on top of the Hallelujah mountains, trying to make the bond. 

The crowd eventually dispersed and everybody went back to their homes. There was a heaviness in the air, no smiles or singing tonight, no communal dinner where people animatedly exchange stories and anecdotes; you saw Na’vi hugging their loved ones, keeping them close at all times, as if letting go would mean letting go forever. The war was upon you, and with it, the possibility of loss and grief settled in the bones of every one of the villagers. 

You felt sick to your stomach. A shiver ran through your entire body, and, at the weakness that enveloped your being suddenly, you knew the effects of all the pills you took to mitigate your symptoms have worn off. The dizziness you felt was more than just a weak headache you could ride out, but a sign your human body was fighting to maintain the neurolink inside the pod. You didn’t have much time. 

“I’m gonna go to bed. See you all tomorrow.” You needed to be in your tent when you passed out, otherwise it would raise suspicion immediately and you couldn’t afford that. 

“Hey, you can’t leave. We still need to talk.” Neteyam said, lightly tugging at your arm. 

“Not today, Neteyam.” You removed your limb from his grasp and left without giving him a second look. 

You were pulled out of the linkpod quite violently by your own body recoiling in agony. You felt a stupid ping of gratefulness at the fact that, although due to horrible news, at least no one was in the lab or adjacent hubs at the current moment. You struggled to get up, and found the walk back to your room excruciating, like no matter how much you walked, it was not anywhere in sight. When you arrived, you went straight to the bathroom and barely managed to make it to the toilet before throwing up, your body violently convulsing in on itself, trying to expel everything from your body. You haven’t had a proper meal in this body in months, so all your body was managing to get rid of was bile, bitter and acidic on your tongue. 

When you were done, you pushed your body weakly towards the sink, and gargled the bad taste away with some water and mouth wash. You peered up at the mirror, and were alarmed by the face that met your gaze. You barely recognised yourself. Your face looked ghastly, the palest you have ever been, the hollows of your cheeks looking like pits of shadows and darkness. 

Your under-eye bags gave away how little sleep you were actually functioning under, how little rest you actually got in the last few months. You looked truly sick, although you didn’t know how much of that was the virus and how much it was just you… ignoring your body like you ignored everything that you had to work through, everything that required healing and spiritual effort, and trading it for a easy-to-digest fantasy.

You made your way towards your bed limply and was comforted by the bottles of pills you saw on your bedside table, that will provide fleeting relief. You passed out on the bed soon after, happy that the suffering could be over for at least some hours. 

You woke up a couple of hours before dawn, with a raging fever and chills running up and down your spine, and instead of struggling back to sleep, you got up slowly and put some clothes on, making your way towards the labs. Today was an important day, and you needed to be focused for it, you couldn’t afford the same thing as yesterday take place. In the medical ward, you scrambled in the drawers until you found what you were searching for. The holy grail, injectable morphine. You hastily grabbed a syringe and a needle, measured out the amount needed, shook the syringe to remove any air bubbles, and directed it to your arm, where you injected it in your vein. Placebo effect or not, you felt immediate relief, and you knew this would put you through the day. 

Norm came to the linkpod to help with the neurolink, and he gave you a worried look as he watched you settle in. 

“I think you should be taking a break from this.”

“Are you serious right now? The humans are literally circling the atmosphere as we speak, I can’t afford to take breaks now, you know this.”

“What I know is that you look about a week away from collapsing in my arms, and your Avatar won’t work without you, Ace. You’re always in the village, and you don’t sleep. You’re always running experiments when you are here. Look, I love your enthusiasm, and I love that you’ve finally getting outside and enjoying your life, but there’s also too much of a good thing.” 

You were started to feel anger pick at your brain, much like the virus you were carrying with you everywhere you went. 

“You made this for me. You made me this Avatar. You guilt tripped me into taking it. Now you’re unhappy I’m using the Avatar. Why don’t you make up your mind and let me know, Norm? In the meantime, I have to go.”

You lay in the on the pod and placed the metal frame on top of your body, and you couldn’t miss the tear that fell on Norm’s face as he closed the lid of the pod. 

It was still before dawn when your consciousness woke up in the blue body you’ve come to love so much, and you couldn’t help feel immense guilt at the words you spat at Norm. He doesn’t deserve any of this; he has been a surrogate uncle for you ever since you were born. He made you an Avatar, he built you a guitar. He helped you go outside and live your life, he was always there for you if you needed to talk, or vent. He has always believed in you, in your capacity to help, to do good, to overcome your grief. You would have to apologise to him come nighttime. 

You saw Jake make his way to you as you opened the flap to your tent. “Hi, kid.” Tensions were running high, you could tell, as Jake did not smile or make light conversation, as he always tended to do. He would always take the time to check in, to make sure you are doing well, which you appreciated massively. You loved having him and the rest of the family around. It felt like you belonged, for the first time in your life. 

“So you, Neteyam, Akoa and Heesu will go and they will watch you perform your first kill. Early tomorrow, we will go take the Iknimaya, and then you will be able to join Neteyam on raids and scouting. How’s that sound?”

“Sounds good, boss.” You saw him crack a tiny smile at that, and felt better you could still make him smile, even in these circumstances.

Neteyam came out of the tent looking… so good it made your mouth fill with saliva. He was holding his bow tightly in his hands, and he was adorning new jewellery, you noted. A beautiful black necklace, filled with beads and impressive craftsmanship, his red and green cummerbund tightly wrapped around his ribcage, and his knife tucked on his hip, all came together to bring about Neteyam Te Sulli Tsyeyk’itan, the future leader of the Omaticaya. But what really drew your eye, was a bracelet. A green bracelet that he kept around his arm, whose every bead and stone was imprinted in your mind, for the rest of time. Why was he wearing that bracelet, why now? What was he trying to tell you?

Neteyam found his gaze drawn to the girl next to his dad, the only girl that existed, as far as he was concerned. He barely slept last night thinking of you, of that kiss, of your confession, of the song, and he knew he had to make it right sooner rather than later. The humans were coming, not one of them knew what their lives were going to look like in a few weeks, and there was so much to set straight, the thought made him nauseated again. He had to tell you. Your eyes found his and he saw many emotions passing through them, and was happy to see at least one of them was passion, and yearning. You looked at him like you wanted to do things Eywa would disapprove of, and he felt himself twitch in pain for what felt like the millionth time recently. 

Neteyam led the pack away from the village and towards the forest where you would have to make your first kill. He had no doubt in his mind you would do well, he honestly doesn’t know why it has taken so long to do it to begin with. You’ve been ready for weeks. After stalking quietly through the forest for a couple of hours, you found a herd of Yerik. Neteyam closed his gap on you and placed a hand on your back, smiling to himself at the way you shuddered when he did. 

“You’ve got this. We’ve been through this and you are ready. Remember, keep a knee on the ground for support. Good luck.”

You nodded without looking at him, eyes plastered on one of the animals peacefully grazing on a bush. He saw you, focused and determined, aiming the arrow with precision and power, and he knew then you were made for this. You were made to be here, as one of the people, you were meant to be Na’vi. 

You made quick work of the kill, and immediately got up from your crouched stance and made your way to the now fatally injured Yerik. You removed your knife from where it was placed on your chest, and repeated the words he taught you weeks ago. “Oel ngati kameie, ma tsmukan, ulte ngaru seiyi irayo (I See you, Brother, and thank you). Ngari hu Eywa salew tirea, tokx 'ì'awn slu Na'viyä hapxì (Your spirit goes with Eywa, your body stays behind to become part of the People).”

Perfect, just like he knew you would do. You were nervous, he noted, but you also seemed happy to have finally done it, after all this time training. All four of you made your way back to the village, the two men accompanying you carrying the animal by its legs. Neteyam wanted to talk to you, wanted to get you alone so he can finally tell you all the things he had to say, that he needed to say, the secret that has plagued him for weeks and that drove a wedge between him and his baby brother. Unfortunately, it seems like the universe fated you to never be alone with him again. Right after you arrived at the village, Jake took all of you to gun practice and through strategy meetings about how to plan an attack once the Sky People decelerated. Those lasted the whole day, and before he knew it, you left to your tent again, leaving him to deal with his dad on his own. 

“Neteyam. Stay, I want to talk to you.”

“Yes, Senpul (dad)?”

“Did you tell her yet?” 

“Not yet. I’m trying to find some time, but it seems like we are never together alone anymore.”

Neteyam saw his dad sighing heavily and was scared for the hell he knew would rain down on him sooner or later.

“Neteyam, you have to tell her. You have asked us to keep your secret, and we have. We have all participated in this, and I am getting tired of lying for you. The kids don’t want to lie to her anymore, your mother doesn’t want for this to be a secret anymore. She deserves to know.” 

“You will tell her by the end of the week, or I will.” 

Your body convulsed as your mind woke up in your human form, and you tried to hide it as best as you could so whoever was helping you get disconnected wouldn’t notice. To your disappointment, it was Max. 

“Hey, sweetheart. How was it today?”

“Good, made the first kill. Going up the Iknimaya tomorrow, which can’t say I am particularly excited about.” 

“Oh, honey, you shouldn’t worry about it. It’s going to be completely different than that dreadful day. You are going to be able to control it, you will be connected to it. Plus Toruk has never been spotted this close to the banshee rookery, so there will be nothing making your Ikran nervous.”

“Yeah, guess you are right.” You said, not wanting to tell Max that rationalising it doesn’t achieve anything except making you feel stupid for being scared. “Where’s Norm?”

Max looked agitated for a second, but tried to compose himself enough to appear nonchalant about the subject. “Um, I think he’s in his room, he told me he wants to read this book he still hasn’t gotten around to, if you can believe that. He's been here for almost 19 years, you’d think there’s be nothing new to do here anymore.” 

You hoped you weren’t as bad a liar as seemingly everyone you have come across recently, otherwise your illness is not as much of a secret as you’d hoped. 

“He told you.”

“Yeah…” 

“I was such a dick. I have to apologise. I’ll go find him.”

“Maybe give him some time? He looked really upset, and I think he just needs to lick his wounds by himself for a while.”

“I didn’t mean it, Max. I am just tired and stressed because of the Iknimaya and the humans returning, not that that’s any excuse.” 

“I know, honey. He will be alright, just give it time. Time heals everything.”

You could only pray that was the case, for Norm….and for yourself.

You woke up the next morning groggy, feeling sick from your illness and sick from all the pills you ingested last night. If this was starting to be a problem, it was a problem you were gonna have to deal with later. Pandora’s box can hold a couple more issues for the time being. You made your way quietly to the medical ward and found the morphine vial you used yesterday. Withdrawing a few more millilitres, you injected yourself in the arm with it, instant relief flooding your system. You sighed happily and thought this was probably the closest you’ve ever gotten to feeling euphoric. 

Your Avatar body looked ready to tackle the Iknimaya, in all new garbs and a new necklace that Kiri made for you recently, as well as Lo’ak’s visors. Tuk and Neytiri were braiding your hair fresh, so you were all ready to go by the end of the eclipse. Feeling how nervous you were, Neytiri put her hand on your heart, and looked into your eyes and she placed the last feather in your hair. 

“It will be alright, ma 'ite. You have done better than any other Dream Walker ever has. Even better than the Toruk Makto. I know you are scared because of what happened in the past, but you have grown so much since then. You are such a special child, a gift from Eywa. There’s light in you no darkness can snuff out, and you were made to be one of us. Do not worry.” 

You let out a small cry and hugged the woman that could have been your mother in these 9 years after you lost your own, who has loved you and protected you every chance she got, that wanted to take you in the village and raise you as one of the people, but who you pushed away out of fear, out of terror at the possibility of more loss, more pain. She never held a grudge, she never turned her back on you, even after shunning them from your life, she understood you and welcomed you back with open arms as soon as you felt ready to join them. She saw you. You will never be able to repay her kindness.

“We’ll be with you. Kiri and I will fly and bring Tuk on one of our Ikrans. Spider, Lo’ak, Neteyam and Jake will come on their Pa’li with you and make the climb. It will be good practice for them. We all want to celebrate with you. We can all join you on your first flight, so this way it will be less scary.” 

You were fully crying in the crook of her neck now, unable to believe the luck you had to having been born somewhere where the Sullys existed at the same time. There was a lot of pain in your life, but this family would always be your good karma, it seemed. 

The climb was the most excruciating thing you have ever had to do. Every muscle in your body was pushed to its limits, and you were beginning to wonder how you were supposed to fight a huge animal after all of this. You understand now this is why this was the ultimate test of becoming a hunter, and why there were not many hunters in the Omatikaya. The thought brought a gust of confidence to your mind - you were doing this. You. You’ve gotten so far, further than any scientist on Pandora ever has. You grew up in a lab with severe agoraphobia and unsolved trauma and you still made it here. You will do this, because you have to. Because you’ve come so far. 

It was taking every ounce of discipline to not continuously stop and stare at the beauty of the Hallelujah mountains, that you have heard so much about, but never experienced for yourself, and you realised you needed to swallow often to compensate for the dryness you felt from your mouth being stuck agape in awe at the beauteous miracle. 

You found yourself peering up at Neteyam frequently throughout the climb, and thoughts about yesterday made your already drugged-out mind even airier. There was so much to think about, so much to talk about, but you couldn’t handle it right now. You couldn’t handle the consequences of that kiss and the hurt that would inevitably emerge from your star-crossed fate. You were dying. Although you didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to acknowledge the reality that your body was falling apart in front of you, it was happening. You probably had another couple of weeks before your heart gave out from all the strain the virus was putting on your whole body, just like it happened with all the other victims. 

As if he could feel you, Neteyam turned around and gave you a nervous look. You wondered what he thought of everything, how he felt. Was he happy about the kiss? Did he regret it? In his defence, he has been wanting to talk to you for days and you avoided him, unable to deal with him at the moment. He will just have to be another trinket in the Pandora’s box until you finished the Iknimaya. Making it to a large suspended boulder before you, he stretched out a strong arm for you, and you took it, happy to have at least some physical contact between you. His touch has always calmed your nerves, from when you were children, and now, as adults, that still hasn’t changed. 

He didn’t let go once you climbed next to him. Taking advantage of the fact you two were the last to climb, he took hold of your arm with one hand, and placed the other on your face, cupping it gently. His thumb found its way to your lips again, caressing them softly and you felt intoxicated from his touch. He brought his face close to yours and brought your foreheads together, breathing you in. You stood like this, staring at each other for a while, and it was like all the words you wanted to say to each other were spoken wordlessly. I love you. I see you. I’m sorry. 

“Are you guys coming or what?” You heard Spider screaming from a higher up boulder, and you reluctantly let go. He squeezed your arm one more time, and then motioned for you to climb in front of him. You weren’t far off now, you realised, and felt your heart picking up pace in your ribcage. 

Soon enough, you were there. You could hear thousands of banshees screaming and cooing, and you thought it was mirroring your internal dialogue quite well, loud and incoherent. Neteyam held a hand in front of your body as you made your way across a narrow ledge behind a waterfall, that connected the cave to the banshee nest. 

“Ok, kid. This is it. Are you ready?” Jake began speaking and you were trying to focus on him instead of the panicked feeling rising in your chest. 

As you were preparing to respond, you heard loud ululating from the sky, and immediately saw two beautiful banshees making their way to the mountain and settling in the cave you just left behind. You smiled at the view, excited that Neytiri, Kiri and Tuk could make it in time. They followed you to the nest and you brought your curled fingers to your forehead, greeting them warmly. I see you.

“Good luck, sister! I cannot wait to fly with you!” Tuk’s enthusiasm never failed to bring a wide smile to your face. 

You looked around at all the people who have travelled so far to come and be with you on this day. Your family, for all intents and purposes. You felt tears coming, but pushed them away with a sigh, trying to toughen your resolve. You gave one last look to Lo’ak, who was watching you sadly, the pain from yesterday still fresh in both your minds. You loved him so much, and hoped he would be able to forgive you in time. You touched his gift, now resting on your forehead, and gave him a grateful smile and a wink. He cracked a small grin and you knew then that your relationship wasn’t totally in ruins. 

“This is it, Atan. Now you must choose your Ikran. If it also chooses you, move quick, like I’ve showed you. You will have one chance. I will be behind you in case you need any help. Please don’t fall off a cliff, I don’t think my heart could take it again.” 

You laughed a little at his attempt of diffusing a situation. It wasn’t his best attribute. 

“Ok then, let’s dance.” 

Neteyam watched as you made your way through the Ikrans, and how they all flew away in fear at your sight - beautiful banshees that made him miss his own and reminisce about his own Iknimaya. You looked ready - powerful and confident, like you have always belonged here, with them. You were swinging your yìmkxa (mouth binder) and approaching each Ikran forcefully, hissing at them to hopefully provoke the right one. Eventually, a big banshee, bigger than his and most others he’s seen around, turns around to face you and does not remove itself from your path in the same way all the others had. It is a beautiful animal, white and gold with purple and pink wings and green stripes on its head, it looked different than any other in the village. Fitting, he thought. This was it.

He heard a loud hiss coming from where you were stood. The Ikran hissed back wildly and charged towards you. His heart was getting ready to exit his body at its speed and power, and he was panting in fear and anticipation, ready to jump in at any moment’s notice, in case you needed it. He saw you remove yourself quickly, skilfully, out of the animal’s way and wrap the yìmkxa around its mouth. Good, first step done. 

You then took a hold of your queue and jumped on the Ikran’s back, placing your thighs around its neck and squeezing with all of your might. The Ikran wrung its neck in an attempt to escape you, but you worked on this for months preparing for this day - you were not letting go. Neteyam saw the banshee make its way towards the edge of a cliff, and you wrapped the arm that wasn’t holding the queue around its neck for more support. 

Neteyam felt like he was going to pass out from the stress, and saw the next moments happen in slow motion, just like almost 7 years ago when you fell mid flight: the ikran managing to drop off the cliff, his wailing scream and immediate desire to join you, the hands of his mother and father wrapping around him keeping him in place, his own ikran dropping from a cliff at the sound of his call, him removing his parents’ hands forcefully and running towards his banshee, scrapping his arm painfully on the rock and the stabbing throb that followed, the feeling of a fresh injury and blood spilling down his arm, and yet still, no other thoughts in his mind than the need to save you, to right his past wrongs. 

He makes the bond quickly and before anyone could stop him, he’s in the air, flying around the rock and beneath it, trying to see where you could be. He was shocked to find you still on your ikran, holding for dear life while the animal was flying upside down, shaking itself furiously to get rid of you. He saw you drop the arm you were using to hold on to it, only managing to hold on by the strength in your thighs, and connected the queues with a loud yell.

“STOP!” He heard you scream. “TURN AROUND, NOW!” 

He couldn’t believe his eyes. You made your Tsaheylu, upside down, mid-flight. He watched as the banshee turned around and made its way back to where his family was, and he still had no words he could say to explain or describe what he was feeling in that moment. It was beyond words. He felt his arm twitching painfully and he quickly looked at it and saw the deep scratch that was leaking blood and staining his loincloth where his arm was laying. 

You did it. You actually did it. This little prick came at you with all her might and you still held on to her. You learnt a lesson or two from riding a banshee as a 13 year old defenceless human, and the most important lesson was: hold on for dear life. Good to see it came in handy. You also made it a point to thank Neteyam for making you hang upside down in trees to shoot down targets, you can see now it helped. You landed at the base of the rookery and watched as every one of your family members was smiling and yelling, cheering loudly for your accomplishment. They looked so happy, and you couldn’t help shed a small tear and the sight. 

These were your people, for the remainder of this short life, and you were happy you got to do this before you went. Happy you got to see them together, for you. You looked around at Neteyam and couldn’t see him, but then heard a loud, excited yelp from behind you. He looked so happy and proud, your heart swelled at the sight. This man would be the death of you, you knew. You loved him so much, and you knew it was time, time to talk through it. 

“First flight seals the bond.” he screams over the noise of the banshees and the waterfall. “Let’s go.”

The entire family called for their ikrans, and in less than a minute, you were airborne. You told your banshee to fly gently and straight, and held on tightly to her neck while you tried to adjust to all these new overwhelming emotions. The feeling of flying was incredible, so much more so than you remembered. Maybe because this time you were in control. The feeling of the Tsaheylu... Lo’ak was right, it was so much stronger than the Pa’li, the connection you had with this animal. You knew you were bonded for life, shared a kinship and bond no one could break until one of you died, maybe even after. The feeling of belonging, as you watched 5 other ikran fly alongside yours and help you through your first of many adventures in the sky. You felt grateful and happy to have made it so far before the inevitable end.

You made it at the village soon after eclipse, laughing and dancing while you walked back, hand in hand with Kiri who was rolling her eyes at you but joining in anyway. Tuk was holding your other hand, and you lifted her up and carried her all the way back while she played with your braids. 

As you arrived to your tent, you saw the rest of the family go into their own, with the promise you’d join after dropping all of your stuff. Neteyam stayed behind, closing his distance to you and only stopping when he was so close to you his chin was touching your forehead. It was only then you saw his arm, dried blood spilt everywhere and marring his beautiful blue stripes. His loincloth was also red, you noted, and saw the gash that was the culprit, high on his arm, still red and bleeding, although not enough to justify this much blood. It must have been bleeding for a while.

“What the hell happened to you?!” You said with a panicked voice.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” 

You raised and eyebrow at him and rolled you eyes, and pulled him to your tent by his uninjured arm. 

“Sit. I will clean and stitch it and then we can go for dinner.” 

He did as he was told, quietly sitting on the ground while you gathered supplies: some gauze, disinfectant, numbing cream, stitches and a needle driver, as well as some forceps and scissors. He squirmed at the sight, and you rolled your eyes again.

“You drive me crazy when you roll your eyes at me, you know? I would kill to be the reason your eyes roll in the back of your head at night.”

You blushed at his words, and sat next to him on the ground.

“You have to stop, Neteyam. We can’t do this again.”

You turned your focus on his wound, and began cleaning it slowly so as to not injure him further. 

“I can’t stop, Atan. I can’t think of anything else. I have so much I want to say to you, so much I need to get off my chest.”

He sounded sad, desperate for you to hear him out, his eyes pleading and pained. 

“How about we talk, after dinner? This time, you can be the one sneaking in my tent late at night.” you said sarcastically, not having forgotten his outburst from earlier and realising you were still angry at him for it. 

“Yes, please.” 

You sat in silence the rest of the time, as you worked with skilled, focused hands. You stitched his wound carefully, so as to not leave him with a scar. When you finished, you smiled up at him, and reached your hand to touch his face, moving a strand of beaded hair from it and pushing it behind his ear. He was so, so beautiful. He brought a hand to your chin and was pulling you closer, when someone entered the tent without making their presence known, making you both jolt back in shock. It was a girl. You’ve seen her before in the village, she was a healer in training. Beautiful and skilled, she was a good singer and a good craftswoman, making a lot of the clothes the Na’vi hunters wore. 

“Oh, Great Mother, here you are! Your mother told me about your injury, and I had to come find you so I could help!” She kneeled down on the other side of Neteyam from where you were sitting and touched Neteyam’s chest, moving him around looking for the bleed, that was no longer there. 

“Oh, it seems much better now than what was described. I guess it’s true what they say, you really are that skilled.” She turned her attention to you and smiled. 

“Thank you. I don’t think we’ve properly met.”

“You’re right, my bad! I’m Tiongli. Neteyam’s mate.” 

It was so quiet in the room now, you were sure they could both hear your heart break into a million pieces. 

Tag list: @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @puffb4ll @sassy-persona @simp4ff @mommyneytiri @k----a27s

[afriendlyblackhottie]

Bedroom Eyes

Summary: maybe working on New Year’s Eve wasn’t always a bad thing

Pairings: Chris Evans x interviewer!Black!Reader

Warnings: minors dni, fake dating, smut, daddy kink, rough sex, over stimulation, orgasm denial, unprotected sex

(A/N: this is for my chick flick challenge!!! Yay finally putting something out ☺️☺️ not edited 👍🏾 like, follow, reblog with a comment and thanks for reading 💜 ✌🏾)

———-—————-—-—————-———

Six months ago you and your boyfriend decided to ‘go on a break.’ Whatever that was supposed to mean. It’s just things hadn’t been clicking and you thought maybe some time apart would bring you back together.

So you moved out of your shared apartment and in with your best friend who promised to make you get butt naked ass wild. Whatever that meant. It all sounded like fun and games and it technically was but you’d kissed one fucking guy and David lost is goddamn mind.

And then the truth came out.

For all the yelling and the bitching about you, it wasn’t you. David had made the decisions for you without you even knowing. It was over. That was that. His new girl was moving in. Taking up your spot in the bed. She got to be the one to steal from his plate. It was her hand he was holding.

And you’d just gotten the honors of seeing it up close and personal for the very first time.

By now you’d kind of adapted to being single. Started getting used to waking up alone. It was kind of nice because you got to spread out. There were definitely pros and cons to the whole situation.

Didn’t have to worry about feeding him anymore. That was nice. Only had to worry about you. Even if you kind of liked cooking for him. But he was so picky it got so annoying.

God you missed the consistent sex. Probably most of all. That rose clit stimulator was fun but you were dying for even a little bit of penetration.

You’d been together for so long you’d forgotten what it was like to just be. Alone. Just you. Like what did you really like. Did you even like The Walking Dead or was it just because he liked The Walking Dead. What kind of food did you even like. Music? Did you even like music. Or art. There was just so much to rediscover.

And you’d been on your way. Even got a sweet new gig . Hell you were doing great. So why the hell did it still feel like you’d gotten punched in the stomach when you saw them together.

“H-hey,” you stuttered out. You couldn’t help it as you picked her apart. From her hair to her clothes. At some point you just got petty in your head and god you didn’t want to be one of those girls.

“Hey, Y/N,” he greeted you all smiley and shit. Like we get it. God you sounded like such a hater. But who could blame you. You were pretty fucking salty. “Wha- what’re you doing here?” He asked all enthusiastic this smile spreading across his face.

She put her hand on his bicep and all you could think was, ‘girl, calm down. Nobody want him.’ Like a liar.

“Just hanging out,” you replied. “You must be Melissa.”

She nodded. “Uh huh. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Oh wow wish I could say the same for you,” you said through your forced smile. You didn’t mean to sound so bitchy it was just you were fucking hurt. He’d moved on so quickly. Like had dropped an entire bomb on you that he’d met someone.

Honestly you’d only been here because you’d gotten invited last minute which made it even more fun that you’d run into them. And by fun you mean you wanted to pull out your eyelashes.

At least, Your sweet new gig came with some perks you admit. Had gotten to take home some pretty cool freebies. Like the new iPhone you’d gotten in a gift basket. Or all the meals on company dime. Yeah interviewing celebrities definitely came with it’s perks. Even when it meant working on New Year’s Eve, which ended up being worth it.

Well okay it would come with more perks but this had been your first big story. The actor you were interviewing was only free today since he was flying out soon and no one else had wanted to work on the holiday but it was kind of paying off for you.

You met up at this cafe which you were supposed to use to pay with the card your manager had given you except that he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He’d been way sweeter than you’d expected and you don’t know how the two of you ended up sharing your life stories but you had.

Questions had been abandoned for conversation instead. Didn’t even look at your notepad at some point. Besides you were pretty sure all of this would stick in your mind. And that’s why he invited you to come out tonight. Neither of you wanted to stop talking.

It wasn’t like a date or anything. Just the two of you had been having fun. He was easy to talk to. First covering your childhoods because for some reason while you were supposed to be asking questions he kept going ‘hmmm what about you?’ like he wanted to hear all about it.

And he was really, really hot so it made you wanna talk longer.

Since the break had officially turned into a breakup your best friend had been trying to press you about getting yourself out there. Had tried tinder which was like a wasteland if you were being honest. And you ended up being uninterested in all the guys your friends tried to play matchmaker with.

“Um, are- are you here with anyone?” He asked, almost nervously.

“Hey, Babe, got your whiskey sour,” Chris said, wrapping his arm around your shoulders after handing you, your drink. It was like he’d been on cue. Great timing, Chris.

“Thanks,” you said smiling up at him. Hopefully showing that you were trying to express the double meaning with your eyes.

“Holy fuck, you’re Chris- you’re Chris Evans!” David laughed almost sounding sarcastic. You recognized that as his ‘well that’s fan-fucking-tastic,’ laugh. The one he did when he was nervous. “That’s great.”

Oh this was good. This was so good. Maybe he’ll finally stop texting you when he’s drunk now. Telling you, ‘she’s not you,’ as if you forced him into it. You weren’t the one that ended things.

“Yeah, hi,” he said. “And you are?”

“Chris, this is David,” you introduced. “Oh, and, Melissa.”

“Hi.” Melissa giggled out, eyeing him up and down

“David and Melissa… are they the ones we met at that charity gala?” He asked like he was deep in thought.

“No,” you laughed. Wow he was really selling this thing. “David’s my ex. Melissa is his new girlfriend.”

“Oh well it’s nice to meet you.”

“So how did you two meet?” David asked through gritted teeth.

“Work,” he said. “She interviewed me and we just hit it off.”

“Wow that’s… really, really cool.”

“Anyway it was nice meeting you, David. Gotta say thanks for not seeing what you had.” And that was how he finally pulled you away as you tried to keep in your excitement until he was far away enough.

“That was amazing,” you squealed as soon as you were far enough. Throwing your arms around him. “Thank you.”

He chuckled. “You’re welcome. Figured you needed some rescuing when you looked like a cornered puppy.”

Your jaw dropped and you pulled away to smack his stomach. “Hey!”

Chris did this cute little smile and then rubbed the spot you hit. “I bail you out and then you abuse me?” Then he looked back at where they were. Seeing David looking right at the two of you. Chris’ eyes drifted back over to you before laughing. “Well guess you’re my date for tonight.”

“You’d do that?” You asked. Fuck he was hot.

“Yeah,” he replied. “LA is a small town. I’ve ran into so many exes. Wish I’d had someone to swoop in sometimes.”

“Well, thanks for swooping in for me,” you said.

“Don’t mention it,” he said. “Alright, you wanna really get under his skin?”

You nodded not being able to stop the smile spreading onto your voice. “I’d love to.”

Chris grabbed your hand. You tried to not be too obvious that you were watching David’s reaction as Chris pulled you to the dance floor.

You were having too much fun hanging with Chris if anything. Doing shots and dancing. Your ex trying to sneak looks at you which you’d started paying less and less attention to as the night went on. Kinda hard to notice him when Chris was your date.

As midnight started inching closer and closer you kind of started to get nervous. Were you supposed to kiss him. He wasn’t going to kiss you, was he? Well guess it depends on how dedicated he was to his craft. You damn sure didn’t mind. Hell the two of you had ditched his friends a long time ago.

He’d just been so sweet all day. If you weren’t convinced he wasn’t just nice you’d think this was a real date with the way he was acting. He’d went off to get another drink and you’d went to the bathroom. As you washed your hands Melissa came in beside you, side-eyeing you as she was going into a stall. You crinkled your nose, hurrying the hell up. You were having a good night. You did not wanna deal with them.

Of course life couldn’t be that nice as David was waiting outside the door. You tried to walk passed him only for you to hear a, “Y/N, wait.” As he grabbed you by the arm to pull you back before you could walk away.

“What, David?” You asked.

“I just… are you really with Chris?” He asked. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wasn’t aware that I had to,” you replied.

“What? I told you about Melissa.”

You scoffed. “Yeah because you dumped me for her.”

He huffed. “So? A heads up still would have been nice.”

“I don’t owe you anything, David,” you said trying to turn around so you could walk away.

“Don’t owe me anything? I’ve missed you so bad lately and you think you don’t owe me anything.”

“Yeah,” you replied. “That’s not my problem.”

“Everything alright over here?” Chris asked once again swooping in.

“Yeah, we’re okay,” you replied with a sigh not even in the mood to hash this out.

“It’s almost midnight,” he said.

“Y/N,” David huffed, “come on. Let’s just talk.”

You sent a tight-lipped smile his way before getting closer to Chris. “Maybe later. I don’t wanna miss the countdown.”

Chris grabbed your hand, lacing your fingers together. Finally pulled you away just as you could hear the:

“10…”

“…9…”

He turned to face you as the both of you started doing the same as everyone else in the crowd. Glancing up to see David still standing there.

“…8…”

“…7...”

Was Chris really about to do this? He put his hand on your face. Stroking his thumb over your cheek.

“…6…”

“…5…”

He was seriously giving you those bedroom eyes too. Was this apart of him playing up as your date or was he serious.

“…4…”

“…3…”

Was this supposed to really be a date?

“…2…”

Goddamn he was so…

“…1! Happy New Year!” The rest of the crowd cheered but you couldn’t even get it out as Chris pressed his lips to yours.

You found yourself putting your hands on his strong shoulders. Feeling all tingly as he grabbed you to deepen it. Dear god he was so yummy.

When he pulled away he grabbed your hand. You got a quick glance at David who was looking at you in such disbelief. Oh well. Sucks to suck.

As the two of you sat in the VIP section this time you giggled over nothing. Falling back into your easy conversation like you were before.

“Okay, but guarantee your publicist is going to kill me,” you said with a giggle.

Chris snorted out a laugh. “No she won’t. She’ll just yell at me. Don’t worry I’ll take full responsibility.”

“Yeah I’m sure she’ll understand. I just fell under your spell.”

“Exactly! If anything she’ll feel sorry for you. Just make sure you cry extra hard.”

You laughed. Tilting your head back. “Well I’m sure my boss is really going to enjoy it when I write my article about my night being Chris Evans’ fake date.”

“I’d read it,” he said. “Besides, this fake dates feeling kinda real to me. We did kiss.”

“Yeah, we did,” you said your face feeling all hot.

Chris licked the corner of his mouth as he got close to you again. Putting his hand under your chin. “And I dunno about you, but I’m open to doing it again. If that’s okay?”

You nodded as you pursed your lips. Feeling suddenly self conscious from the way he was looking at you. Was your hair okay? Lipstick?

You didn’t really have anymore time to think as he started kissing you again. This time letting it linger. Leaning you back against the couch so he could get the best access.

“You wanna get outta here?” He asked pulling away. “Go back to my place?”

You nodded, biting your lip. “I’d like that.”

Chris kept his hand on the small of your back, making you giggle, as the two of you tried to find the exit. Not bothering to say bye to your ex even when you passed him. Why would you when you were here with him. Literally who the fuck cares about anything else when a man like this was trying to take you home.

The two of you kept talking until he pulled up to a red light where he ended up pulling you into a quick kiss. Kind of nice knowing that it really wasn’t all for show. To be honest things could end right here and you’d be pretty happy. Hell it could end tomorrow and you’d be happy then too.

By the time you got back to his place he did the usual. Introduced you to his dog. Offered you a drink. Ended up pouring the both of you a glass of wine as Dodger played at your feet.

“No, no, no I refuse to believe that!” You shook your head. Giggling.

“What!” He gasped sitting beside you. “Do I look like I would lie to you?”

You giggled again. “Yes.”

He rolled his eyes dramatically. “Oh whatever.”

“You’re not an actor for nothing,” you replied.

“I guess,” he said with a chuckle. Then he looked over at you out of the corner of his eye before grabbing the back of your chair to pull you closer.

“Hey!”

“What?” He chuckled. “You were too far away.”

“Well, you could have asked, Sir,” you said.

Chris smirked, one eyebrow raising up. “Ohhhh, sir… I like that sound of that,” he said sitting back. “Maybe you should call me that more often.”

You laughed. “Oh yeah? think I’ll need to?”

“Depends?”

“On?”

“If you can handle it,” he said putting his face close to yours.

“I think I can do that,” you whispered.

Chris licked his lips putting his hand on your cheek so he could bring you closer. Swiping his lips across yours quickly. “Have I told you how fucking pretty you are?”

You shook your head. Your face getting all warm. “No,” you whispered again this time feeling all shy.

“Well, I think you’re very pretty,” he whispered back before kissing you again. This time you put your hands in his hair as he started getting deeper. Fuck this was not how you’d been expecting your New Years to go. What a way to kick off the year.

When he added his tongue you let out the most embarrassing moan. He was just such a good kisser. And then he put his hand on your outer thigh. Inching up and running over your hip. “And you’re a good kisser,” he’d pulled away to say not even giving you a chance to respond before pulling you back in.

You might be actually having heart palpitations.

Finally he pulled away again to stand up. Helping you up with him. Then leaning down to kiss you again. “Let me give you a tour,” he said against your lips.

“Right now?” You asked with a pout.

“Mhm, want you to know your way around,” he said before kissing you again.

He held your hand as he made his way through the place. You’d already seen the living room when you’d walked in so he moved on before finally getting to his bedroom. Getting behind you and kissing all on your neck.

“And this is my room,” he’d said in your ear. Making you shiver as he kissed on you.

“It’s nice,” you breathed out. Pushing your ass back against him. Letting out a little gasp as you made contact against his cock. “Oh, fuck, Chris.”

“Mmm fucking like that sound.”

You leaned back so you could kiss him again. “More,” you whimpered as he started grinding against you.

That’s when his hands finally made their way to your chest. Grabbing all on your tits

“Fuck,” you whimpered.

One hand staying there as the other trailed down your body until it was to your crotch. That’s when he started rubbing you there over your dress. Making you try to get more contact on him.

“Just take this off,” he said with his lips all up in your ear as he started reaching for the hem. God it was just so… ugh you could tell you were wet a fuck.

Chris finally turned you around. Putting his hands on your ass. You don’t think you’d ever been kissed like this. With this much passion and want. Like there was this neediness, but at the same time no rush.

He smacked your ass making you yelp out another moan. Chris pulled away for a second so he could take his shirt off.

“You have tattoos?” You asked tracing your fingers over the words on his chest.

“A few,” he said as gripped your ass.

“Ow,” you whined trying to reach behind to make him loosen up. Only for him to let go and then come back against it with a smack. “Fuck.”

Hands going back up your body so he could undo your bra turning you back around so he could grab on your naked tits again. Pinching your nipples. “Get your ass on the bed.”

You did as you were told watching as he stalked over to you. You tried to cover yourself up with your hands. Suddenly feeling self-conscious about being naked in front of such a man.

“No, no. None of that,” he said as he moved your hands away from your body. “So fucking beautiful. You don’t hide yourself from me. Lay back, Baby. Lemme make you feel good.”

You nodded and did as he said again. He was still looking at you like he wanted to eat you up and after he kissed down your body you were pretty sure that’s exactly what he was about to do.

“So fucking hot,” he groaned as he pushed up your thighs. Licking his chops before leaning in a little closer to place kisses on your thighs. He leaned down to press his lips to your still covered clit. “These are cute panties, Baby. I like them,” he said all raspy before licking at the wet spot.

You gasped. “Fuck.”

Then he traced his fingers up and down. Making you breath out heavy. “Where’s your manners, Baby?”

You tried to rely but he kept kissing you there and then doing this thing where he’d lick and it was just driving you so frantic. “Oh, fuck,” you whimpered tilting your head back. “Oh, fuck, oh please. I’m sorry. Thank you.”

“That’s better,” he replied with a little chuckle. Fuck he was getting pleasure out of treating you like this? Sadistic.

“More,” you moaned because well that sounded good to you.

Finally he pulled your panties to the side. “So goddamn pretty. C’mere,” he groaned before raising up to sit on his knees. Trying to get your panties off. Pulling them down your legs. “That’s my girl.” He pushed your thigh back up as he looked down at you.

Oh my god. It was like… he was hotter than you’d… like he was really doing… like you couldn’t wrap your head around what was happening. Fuck couldn’t even get your thoughts together. Face all fuzzy. Seriously he was looking at you like he was about to fuck you all night.

You wanted him so goddamn bad.

“Chris!” You raised up to tangle your hand in his hair. Tugging on the ends. “Oh my god!” Your hips stuttered up.

He in returned pinned you down. Wanting to keep you exactly where he wanted you. Like was it not enough he looked like a fucking daydream he had to eat you out like you were the best thing he ever tasted. Holy fuck. You were gonna fucking-

“Ah!” You screamed out as you squirted. Feeling like every nerve in your body was about to push out of you. Stomach clenching. “Holy fu- Chris!”

He kissed up your body until he was at your lips. The clinking of his belt buckle as he was barely undoing his pants. “You ready for me?” He asked getting in your ear again. His mouth felt amazing between your thighs but you kinda missed him like this.

He put his thumb against your clit make you let out this mewl. God you couldn’t believe you were really responding to him like this. He just felt so fucking good.

The quick sound of him undoing his pants was making you need more from him. “Chris, please,” you whimpered.

“What? Tell me what you want, Baby. I’ll do it.”

Oh fuck you think you’re about to fucking cum again.

When you’d interviewed him this morning at some point it did start to feel like a date. Just the way the two of you spent like… all day there until it was time to close. It was a holiday and those people wanted to go the hell home. Even if they were more than happy to keep bringing Captain America cookies.

It had been a long time since you’d talked to someone the way you did to him. The way he just… listened when you talked. Like he was the one interviewing you. Or like he really wanted to know things about you. 

But you have to admit you had not been expecting to end up like this. He was Chris fucking Evans. Movie start. Hollywood heartthrob. Sure this might not go anywhere but at least you knew he’d fuck you right. Like so right. This man might be dangerous. He should not be able to look at you like that or touch you like this. It should be illegal.

But you wanted more.

“I want you to fuck me,” you confessed. “Please? Pretty please?”

“See I knew you could be a good girl. Such good fucking manners.”

Oh, fuck.

He finally pulled his dick out and you just had to see okay. Like you needed to know. Not for the article or anything. Don’t worry you were keeping it to yourself, but still you wanted to see.

God it was a good thing your coworker wasn’t able to make it. All you’re saying is if you were her you’d be pissed. Imagine getting this close to Chris Evans dick but you weren’t going to make it in time only for it to go to a smaller contributor.

“Fuck,” you groaned as it finally caught your eyes. Of course this pretty fuckin’ man would have a pretty ass dick to match. Fuck you wanted to- “Ah!” You yelped as he pushed the tip to your opening.

“Gonna fuck you nice and deep,” he said as he pushed the head in a like.

“Fuck,” God you sounded so whiney and pathetic.

You wanted more.

“Chris!” You cried, as he started kissing you. He was just pushing in so deep. His belt buckle smacking against your thighs until he finally took it out of the loops to drop it on the floor.

Dunno. Feeling pretty powerful that you’d made Chris Evans wanna fuck you so bad he couldn’t even wait to take off his pants before sliding in home to you.

“So damn tight. Can barely fit my dick in you,” he groaned. “So goddamn wet.”

“Don’t stop,” there was this tinge of desperation in your voice. “Please, don’t- ah- Chris!”

He’d filled you up to the hilt just then. Had your eyes watering. Face all screwed up. Goddamn. He felt so fucking good. You wanted more. So much, much more.

He wrapped on arm around your thigh to bring your knee up by your ear, while the other went under your head. He was just so close. Like he wanted you to feel every roll of his hips. Fuck.

“Don’t- ugh- don’t stop!” You cried.

So he fucking didn’t.

You didn’t even know you could cum like this. Just one right after another. And that was before he even took his pants off.

When he finally fell to your side so he could push them down his hips. You sat up so you could get on your knees this time. Was it weird to say your mouth was watering from looking at his cock? Who cares. You wanted it in your mouth now.

“Damn, Baby,” Chris groaned as you slurped him up. Damn you were gonna get addicted to this. You just know it.

He put his hand in your hair, pushing your head down so he was in your throat. Eyes getting watery wants again.

“That’s fuck- fuuuuck,” he groaned. “Come here,” he said snatching you off so he could pull you onto his lap.

“Ah!” You let out this scream as he’d slid you down his length. “Fuuuuuuuuuck.” He was just so fucking big and thick. You don’t really know how else you were supposed to act. It was just too much.

“That’s it. Bet your ex didn’t fuck you like this, did he?” He asked with a tight grip around your hips.

“Never,” you cried. “Fuck, Chris!”

“Good ,” he moaned. “Damn your ex was stupid. I wouldn’t let a pussy like this go.”

“Please,” you preened. Fuck you don’t even know what you’re begging for. You were just so over stimulated. “Fucking, please.”

“What you want, Baby? Just tell me and I’ll give you anything.”

Why did he have to look up at you like that. Was it not enough he was balls deep in your fucking guts? He had to look at you like that?

“I want-,” you tried to say but you couldn’t get a thought out this sob. Your next orgasm hitting you look a fucking freight train out of nowhere.

Chris chuckled and sat up. You looked so cute all fucked out. “I know, Baby. I got you.”

Honestly you felt like you were going to have a fucking mental breakdown. So you wrapped your arms around his neck. Sobbing into his shoulder as you came down his length.

Chris kissed your cheek and slowed down the movement of your hips. Ready to give you a moment. Fuck. He’d really done a number on you.

“It’s okay,” he said into your ear. “I’m here.”

You nodded and didn’t stop crying into his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He chuckled.

“It just felt too good. I got overwhelmed.” You sniffled.

“It’s alright,” he replied wrapping his arms around you, wanting to hold you. Bring you down a little. Let you know he wasn’t going anywhere. “It’s okay.” Chris kissed your forehead. “Here,” he said. “Lemme go and get you some water, okay?”

You nodded as you climbed off of him. He kissed your forehead again before moving away from you. Your body was twitching still. Little tremors running through you. Fuck. That was intense.

As you laid there, trying to get yourself together you couldn’t stop fucking shaking. Ugh. Well, it’s not like he wasn’t be sweet. But still. You were here in bed and breaking every rule with Chris Evans on your first time ever getting an interview like this, and you were tapping out?

That he’d literally went from helping you not look like in front of your ex and his new girlfriend and getting you water right now, and you were tapping out? You needed to get your shit together.

“Here,” he said sitting coming to your side to hand you the glass. “Gotta stay hydrated, Babe. Didn’t mean to wear you out,” he teased.

You chuckled as you took it from him. “I’m okay.”

“You sure?” He asked. “We can take a minute.”

You nodded as he came to climb back in with you. Laying on his side the two of you facing each other.

Chris put his hand on your cheek. Stroking it with his thumb then placing a plump kiss on your lip. Why was he so cute. Fuck.

“I promise I won’t include this part in my article,” you mumbled.

Chris chuckled. “Well, it would definitely get a lot of hits if you did.”

“Your team would kill me. Hell my boss would kill me.”

He rolled his eyes. “They’d have to go through me first.”

“Look at you all tough guy,” you teased.

“Damn straight,” he said with a wink. “I take care of my woman.”

You raised an eyebrow even as your heart thumped so hard. “Oh I’m your woman now?”

He chuckled. “Working at it? I gotta be honest. I like you.”

“Really?”

“Mhm,” he said. “I know we just met but… it’s like since this morning I haven’t wanted you to leave and… I don’t know.”

“No I feel the same way,” you said.

He sighed. “So I’m not being a total meatball?”

“Yeah,” you said with a giggle, “but I like it.”

“Good,” he replied leaning into kiss you. He climbed on top of you as the two of you deepened. Wow barely even able to give watch other a chance. But what can you say you wanted him.

He pushed your legs apart again. Rocking his hips into you. You tried to move up hoping he’d get the hint and push into you, but it didn’t seem like he was. Fucking tease.

“Gonna fucking ruin you,” he said into your ear. “Make you my girl. You wanna be my girl?” Then he started nudging his tip against your slit.

“Uh huh,” you breathed out cuz fuck even that felt good.

“Use your words,” he said.

Fuck. Fuuuuuck. “Yes, Sir,” you whimpered out the correction.

“Much better,” he groaned as he pushed into you. “Fuck!”

You were hugging him so tight like you were already trying to push him out. Sensitive pussy not able to handle him. “Shit, Chris. Fuck.”

“I don’t know why I didn’t put on a condom,” he groaned as he fucked into you. “I just… I wanna cum in you. So fucking bad. Just over and over and over.” He was getting so fucking deep. This man was really trying to fuck you into the mattress.

And you couldn’t even say anything back because it was just too damn much. What could you say. You’d already embarrassed yourself enough tonight. If you weren’t careful you’d end up crying from his dick again and you didn’t want him to stop again. You wanted him to never stop.

Fuck how the fuck are you already fucking cumming!

“Fuck you’re such a fucking Daddy,” you sobbed into his shoulder not being able to help it as the moniker slipped from your lips.

“Yeah? Am I?” He hissed. “Shit, Baby,” he groaned. Headboard slamming against the wall. “That’s it, Baby. I’ll be your fucking Daddy.”

“I can’t fucking take anymore,” you finally admitted.

“Don’t say that, Baby. You can give me one more. Just one more,” he groaned.

“I can’t,” you whimpered.

“Yes,” he thrust in really deep making you gasp, “you,” he withdrew until just the tip was in, “can.” And then he did it again where he went balls deep.

Swear to god you were so fucking like how was he doing this to you it didn’t make any fucking sense.

“Fucking hold it. Hold it for me,” he said going a little faster. “You got it. You can fucking do it. Gonna cum in you. This my pussy now. Fucking hear me?”

He was just so animalistic and you were barely hanging on. Eyes rolling to the back of your head. Losing your goddamn mind. How the fuck would he expect you to move on when he was doing this to you. Who the fuck else would be able to do this to you. You’d just gotten out of a four year relationship and you didn’t know you could cum like this until now. 

“Daddy, oh my god,” you sobbed again. “Fuck. I can’t hold on.”

“That’s okay,” he groaned. “Fuck. Cum for me.”

“Yeah?”

He nodded as his body got all ridged. Putting his hand around your neck as he started to feel his own orgasm catching up to him. “Fuck yeah. Cum for me, Y/N,” he said again.

Something about hearing him saying your name was just… it was all too much. Like everything was just too much. You couldn’t fucking stop. You knew your throat would be raw as hell in the morning.

It felt like he’d made you shatter into a million little pieces after having denied you while you had already had too much. Coupled with the feeling of him losing himself deep inside of you. Fuck. It was too much. And yet you know you wanted more.

“I think you broke me,” you whispered as he wrapped his arms around you. Sunlight had finally started to break through the curtains and he was barely letting you go.

Chris chuckled. Kissing your forehead. Sure you’d had little cat naps in between but each time he’d woken you up with kisses or by touching you. You were so fucking worn out. “I’m sorry. Alright come on. Let’s get some sleep.”

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” You asked him.

He shook his head. “Nah. I’m gonna just take the day. Besides it’s a holiday. It’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” you replied. “Well, good. Cuz I don’t think I can move.”

Chris chuckled. “Don’t worry I’m not letting you go anywhere. I want you to get some rest, okay?”

You nodded as your eyes started to feel all heavy. Hell you didn’t think you could hold on anyway.

[strawberrylemonz]

We’ll Meet Again - For the Blood God

Hello readers,

As I am writing this, it has been 3 hours since the announcement of the death of Alex "Technoblade". If you haven't watched his final video and don't plan to, no worries. You are completely valid. For those of you who are grieving alongside the community, it's okay to grieve. I can't begin to imagine how his close friends and his beloved family feel about all this. The pain of losing a loved one, a friend, is unimaginable.

I had always seen myself in Technoblade. Having only been 3 years younger than him and with a similar personality and set of interests, I related easily to him. He helped me learn to accept myself, flaws and all. I must agree with his words, I really am a nerd.

His videos had been a great comfort to me throughout my life. I remember watching him play Skywars on the school laptops the first day of high school as a homeless teen. I remember watching him a year and a half later, my family finally in a home after years. I remember watching him mess with Phil and Tommy with his goons before the pandemic caused a worldwide shutdown. I remember the 2nd Potato War, after I had just turned 18 and my school left for Spring Break, none of us returning. He was there, winning the Minecraft Championship with the rest of SBI, keeping a smile on my face as I prepared for my pandemic graduation. I remember watching him go against Dream for $100,000 during my first semester in college, days after my nephew was born. Even as my college dreams slipped through my fingers, and I felt like a complete failure, his content kept a stupid smile on my face.

The world genuinely lost an amazing person. He has inspired so many, and so many rediscovered their passions and purpose thanks to him. Out of everything he's said, he was right about many things. I miss Technoblade very much, but, true to his word, he never dies. Technoblade never dies because he will forever live in us all. His memory and his impact will live on in the lives that he touched.

It's okay to grieve, it's okay to feel lost. I, for one, am devastated. I have not cried this much and have not felt so much pain since the passing of my grandmother a decade ago. We must remember to get back up again. Even if it feels hard and impossible, we can do it. We much live our lives to the fullest, no regrets. It's what he would have wanted. Continue to write your poems, your stories, your songs. Draw to your heart's content, play new games, cook new foods, try new things. Hug those around you. Tell someone you love them. Look at the stars, learn something new and exciting, help someone out. Life is too short for us to take it for granted.

For those who may not know, there has been merch released in remembrance of Technoblade. A portion of the proceeds will be going towards fighting cancer. You can also directly donate, if you have the means to do so.

"And I hope you all go on to live long, prosperous, and happy lives, because I love you guys." - Technoblade, "so long nerds", June 30th, 2022

Let's do exactly that. Let's move forward, sorrow and all, and show him that we can live on. He's watching us, always has and always will.

I read that once you die to cancer, the cancer dies too. You don't lose, it's a draw. And Technoblade never loses.

He will be remembered as an effortlessly talented, intelligent, friendly and witty man.

So long, my favorite nerd. You have been, and always will be, the one and only Blood God. I can't wait until we meet in the afterlife, so I can thank you and then give you a piece of my mind for that remembrance merchandise. Only you would do such a thing.

"If I had another hundred lives, I think I would choose to be Technoblade again every single time, as those were the happiest years of my life." -Technoblade, "so long nerds", June 30th, 2022

[idiotwhowritesgenshin]

Diluc and Kaeya with a zombie sibling like Jean and Barbara but for extra angst...

The sibling died when Diluc and Kaeya fought because they threw themselves into the crossfire, trying to stop their brothers from hurting each other.

I did consider this but ultimately a scenario like this is angst overload lol and that restricts my writing a fair bit so I’ll do the one I initially planned

I will explain some differences though with this scenario to this one if you want anon and thanks for being my first ask in this blog :>>>

(Also Im gonna try to get some balls and tag diluc but if the person sees this Im gonna die)

I’m so indecisive on whether to use “Y/N’ or “you” when I cant just say “they” for the reader, can I get some advice on that?

Once again scream at me in my inbox and or replies if I accidentally gave a gender this shit is supposed to be GENDER NEUTRAL IF I MESSED UP TELL ME😭😭

These are also longer than Jean and Barbara’s just because I have better grasps of the brothers’ lore over the two sisters

TW Death, Diluc and Kaeya are traumatized but no condition is specified cause I am not a mental health expert (obviously, if there was other things I needed to tag tell me)

Diluc and Kaeya with a zombie younger sibling

How the sibling died is that they were with Diluc and their father when they were attacked by Ursa the Drake. While Diluc fought off the dragon as Crepus ran to get his delusion, the sibling was killed when Diluc got preoccupied and the Four winds took pity on Diluc when they saw his breakdown at losing his younger sibling and father on the night of his birthday. They were revived before Kaeya chose to reveal his secret and Diluc claimed custody of their sibling, as their biological brother and promptly disowned Kaeya. Reader is roughly 10-12 when they died.

Diluc

- The Knights of Favonius are even worse in his eyes. His entire family died that night and they couldn’t even own up to it, they couldn’t own up to the death of his father and the death of Y/N, a CHILD

- Diluc is a fiercely protective older brother who tends to be overbearing in terms of his sibling’s safety. He really can’t help it, the sight of their corpse and feeling them grow cold in his arms traumatized him immensely and the thought of something like that ever happening again

- His protectiveness is luckily able to be calmed by the servants at his home who always do their best to help him stay grounded to reality and not lose sight of who he is in his overwhelming need to protect the only family he has left

- Perhaps it is a blessing that Y/N lost their memories as if they had remembered who Diluc was before, they surely would have been heartbroken to see their once cheerful brother who was the proud cavalry captain of the knights of Favonius become the dark and brooding, wine tycoon who did dark knight hero work at the side

- Diluc wants to still have a presence in his sibling’s life both because they are part of the reason he works so hard to protect Mondstadt, so that no one may suffer the same fate as they did again, and he’ll never admit it but truly does miss when he could hang out and play with his siblings in bliss

- He doesn’t want Kaeya going near them, when he had confessed to being a spy, in his overwhelming grief and anger, he had accused Kaeya of trying to take his entire family from him and even asked if he was upset that you managed to live

- He ordered his butler to make sure that whenever his sibling went out they have someone with them along with their notebook as he similarly to Jean, is anxious on the thought his sibling could just forget him

- When he's not busy and can properly spend time with his sibling, he mostly allows them to take the wheel as he's honestly just not sure what they want to do with how they've forgotten the past and are still rediscovering their interests so he'll mostly watch them waddle around with different activities and entertain them

Kaeya

- Diluc barred him from meeting their sibling ever again but when did the orders of others ever stop him

- Kaeya is honestly a mystery to his former adoptive sibling, he’s a man who feels familiar yet his appearances in their life are sporadic and Diluc only ever tells them to avoid Kaeya but Kaeya finds his ways to worm his way into Y/N’s life

- His sibling is often left either giggly and excited or just confused after spending time with him due to his tendency to play mind games, something that just leaves them unsure of what happened but luckily never causes them long-term distress due to their short term memory

- Whenever Kaeya is asked about his feelings on his sibling becoming a zombie, he never gives a proper answer either leaving some comment on it, too vague to get any idea on his feelings or dodge the question altogether

- Y/N coming back to life gave him a naive hope, a hope that maybe the world would be on his side and that he could finally stop lying, that he could finally pick who to side with between Khaenri’ah and Mondstadt but that didn’t happen, and he would never let himself be so vulnerable again

- He doesn’t blame them for his current situation with Diluc, even if their death did inspire him to try and open up, it was ultimately his choice and it undeniably hurts to be denied access to someone he truly sees as a younger sibling by the man he still sees as his older brother, he’ll take it with a smile, like he always has

- The notebook issue does worry him but luckily he has his ways to worm his way in so that they can remember him, no matter what Diluc does, Kaeya has his ways

- He likes to have them spend time with Klee, you became much quieter after you were revived due to becoming a zombie so he finds it adorable to watch the cheerful Spark Knight play with their sibling who for the most part is confused but also enjoys playing with her, he always makes sure to stop Klee from doing anything that could be harmful to them though, Diluc would kill him

[elias-code]

The Feeling’s Mutual - c!Techno x Reader

PT 1 because I‘m taking too long lmao

Characters: c!Technoblade x gn!Reader, Philza, Quackity, Charlie S

Summary: [from an ask] The reader is kicked out by Quackity from Las Nevadas and was forced to roam around to look for somewhere to live and they end up in Techno’s cabin after passing out in the tundra. At first, you have a shared hatred of each other, but you end up warming up when you figure out he’s been making you breakfast.

Warnings: Exile, mild malnutrition, corruption

————————— Enjoy :3 —————————

“Ooh! I get to go visit you now! Like a vacation!” Charlie cheered.

“No, Charlie,” You sighed, continuing to follow him out of the city, “I’m getting exiled. I don’t think Quackity will let you visit me,”

He frowned, confused. He wasn’t the best at understanding broad concepts like exile and all the drama that brought it about. He just thinks you’re one of his best friends, and that Quackity is also his best friend. Now, Quackity was in no way your friend as you once were. He banished you for the dumbest thing, just because you challenged his integrity. Unbeknownst to Charlie, Quackity was giving away trade secrets, rigging elections and his casinos. You didn’t join him to scam people, you just wanted a new start after L’Manburg.

You walked with him in silence past the bright neon lights and street lamps of Los Nevadas. You were never going to be allowed back here, even though you built half of the damn place.

“So if Quackity doesn’t let me visit, can you visit me?” Charlie asked solemnly.

“Again, probably not,” You stuffed your hands in your pockets and half-smiled at him, “I don’t think he wants to see me back here. Ever,”

Where were you even going to go? No one would take you. Quackity had made many enemies, who were, in turn, yours, and now no one you were allied with alongside Quackity will be friendly except for Charlie. But Charlie was his lapdog, nothing could touch him and you weren’t going to be allowed around him anymore.

Your enemies list was vast, all the way up at the top, finally overtaking Technoblade, was Quackity. Congrats, Big Q, you piece of shit.

Charlie stopped at the end of the road, finally realizing this might be the last time you see each other. He wanted to cry, but he held it back. There’d always be hope, he could sneak out, you could sneak in. But you’d have to do it all in secret, and it just didn’t feel right to him.

“I’m gonna miss you, Charlie,” You said.

He smiled weakly at you and pulled you in for a slimy hug.

“We’ll see each other again someday,” He stated.

You wanted to believe that, but the pit in your stomach just sank further as the embrace came to an end. You’d have to get going, this would be the last time you see him, or Los Nevadas for that matter, in a long time at least.

-

You spent days wandering. Just as you suspected, no one would take you in. Not even Niki because of your governmental associations. You found the occasional scrap of meat or stale bread in some chests along the prime path, but you felt so sick to your stomach that it became hard to eat anything you found.

From the desert to the ocean to the plains to the tundra you roamed. You hunted with what little supplies you had.

There had been no food for days now, the snow was the only source of water within sight. There were no signs of life, no people, no animals, only the occasional dying tree to sleep under in the blistering cold. As if things couldn’t get any worse, the blizzard came.

Blinding white all around. The only sound audible was the whistling of the wind in the frozen, rotting branches above you. At this point, you’d gone numb, the only thing you could feel was your heart beating heavily in your chest as you lost consciousness.

-

“We couldn’t just leave them out in the snow, Techno! That’s just cruel!”

“They’re with Quackity, Phil. Don’t make me explain this again,”

“I’m not going to let you throw them back out,” Phil explained, “No one would willingly come here, Technoblade. They have a reason, I know it,”

You opened your eyes cautiously. It was warm, you were covered in a thick red cape and a few blankets, the fire next to you was roaring. Whatever argument was taking place had moved further into the distance, out of earshot.

Everything ached, but at least you were warm. You let yourself come to your senses. Maybe the exile was all a nightmare. Maybe Quackity wasn’t a dumb bitch after all. But where were you? Whose bed was this? Whose-

It’s Technoblade’s cape.

Your eyes widened as you shot up out of bed. The pain in your legs was sickening, but so was being in this man’s house. You ran to the fireplace and grabbed some sharp steel tongs, meant for poking at the logs, for protection. His footsteps moved closer, the conversation was over.

You brandished your weapon and prayed for dear life.

The door creaked open and he stepped through, shutting it behind him. He stared at you, looking down at the weapon and then back at the tossed bed. He looked unfazed by your threatening pose. You were more scared than he was.

“I lend you my cape,” Technoblade points at the bed, “And you decide the best move for you is to stab me?”

Guilt crept into your throat.

“What am I doing here?” You hissed at him.

“Phil found you under a tree,” He chuckled, “And decided he wanted to adopt someone else,”

“Aren’t you supposed to kill me or something?”

“Why? Should I?” He threatened, taking a step towards you.

You stepped back, bumping into the table behind you, “That- That’s what you do,”

“If it were up to me, you’d probably be buried in the snow by now.”

You scowled at him, rediscovering past hatred towards him and using that to fuel your rage.

“I’d rather be left out there,” You spat, “Not stuck in here with you-“

“Again, I agree, but Phil is the one you should be angry with if you don’t want to be here,” He rolled his eyes and held his hand out.

“I’m not giving this back to you,” You growled.

He stepped forward and snatched the spear out of your hand, tossing it behind him, out of reach. He leaned forward and hissed in your face, “Don’t try anything, kid,”

You swallowed your pride, weak and unarmed. Whether you liked it or not, you’d have to stay with him for a while. No one would take you in, so it was either deal with Technoblade or die. You might as well use this to your advantage.

-

Days went by where you never even saw Techno. Phil took care of you most of the time, but he didn’t have any room in his house with Wilbur being there and all, so you were forced to sleep in Techno’s cabin. It became easier and more manageable as time went on. The only time you ever really saw him were the latest hours of the night when he’d come home and, if you were lucky, at dawn when he left.

Breakfast usually materialized at your doorstep every morning around the same time. Sometimes it was yoghurt, sometimes fresh fruit, sometimes cold meat and oatmeal, but it was always delicious. You suspected Phil was behind the mysterious meals, that was until you asked him about it.

“I don’t think I ever said, but thanks for breakfast,” You smiled at Phil as you helped him load firewood into the horse’s saddlebags.

He looked at you, perplexed, to say the least.

“What breakfast? Don’t you just eat whatever Techno has?” Phil replied.

Your stomach turned, letting the past couple of weeks turn over in your head. You shouldn’t have assumed Phil was the one making your food. You should’ve asked before you just started gorging yourself every morning.

Phil watched as you turned pale and hopped on the horse. He thought that you just ate whatever Techno had in his pantries, and never questioned it. Now, all was revealed. Techno had been making you breakfast.

For most people living as a guest in someone else's house, having breakfast brought to their door would just be seen as a sweet thing, but it was dangerously blown out of proportions when it was your ex greatest enemy doing it without you even knowing. You silently reasoned with yourself that if he was going to poison you, you’d be dead already. That comforting fact backfired as you realised he could have killed you so easily. Your emotions were on a rollercoaster, and your stomach sank deeper and deeper as the more intrusive thoughts crept in.

You needed to catch him in the act. Something about The Blood God making you breakfast created sentiments of self-worth out of thin air. Part of you wanted to prove it to yourself, and part of you wanted to embarrass him for it.

-

The familiar shine of daybreak made the room glow orange. The fire had gone out that night, as it usually did, but the cold felt like nothing now that you had a mission to accomplish.

You slipped out of bed, clad in leggings and a simple green shirt. The floor was icy on your bare feet but you trodded out the door and down the stairs, heading for the kitchen.

The dining room was salmon-pink, highlighted by the bright orange flickering coming from the fireplace. It was already warmer down here than it was upstairs, the fire must’ve already been on for a while by now. The kitchen was out of view, but you could already smell fish frying from the base of the stairs.

Making your way through the archway, you spotted Techno’s red cape on its hook by the door next to the thick winter coat you loaned from Phil. Below them, both were black boots, sprinkled with half-melted snow. The floorboard below you creaked when you stood in the doorway to the kitchen.

Techno spun around, startled by the noise. His face flushed with guilt temporarily but was quickly replaced by a furrowed brow and confused eyes.

“What are you doing awake? It’s five,” He implored.

“I could smell the salmon,” You shrugged and moved towards him innocently.

He turned back to the fish and turned the stove off, sliding it onto a plate.

“What’re we eating today?”

“You just said,”

You scoffed and conceded. It was a dumb thing to ask, but he wasn’t supposed to answer. It was only meant to highlight the reality that you knew what he’d been doing. Nothing in his expression, now unreadable, made you think he didn’t know that you knew he’d been making you breakfast.

He gently pushed by you, letting his arm brush against yours. It made your heart skip a beat, probably out of fear, you told yourself. Your skin went cold, but you followed him into the next room where he put the dish on the table and gestured for you to sit.

“You don’t seem to hate me anymore,” You mumbled.

“I never said I hated you, just that I don’t like you,”

“Well, you don’t seem to not like me either,”

He blinked at you and sat across the table from you.

“Where are you going today?” You said with a mouthful of food, “To do mysterious things, I imagine,”

“I was going to stay here today, actually.”

You stopped eating.

“I finished my mysterious duties,” He mocked.

Well, he wasn’t going to budge on where he’d been going the past few nights, but that wasn’t particularly important right now. What caught your attention was that he was staying here for the day. Again, meaningless to most people, but with him, it was surprising.

He began snickering, just at your face.

“I was never the one that hated you,” He laughed, “You were the one who brandished that poker at me,”

Your face flushed red with embarrassment, “I can be resourceful, at least,”

He continued to laugh at you, the absurdity of the situation hitting him with full force. Right now you wished you could hit him with full force.

“Alright, alright,” He took a deep breath, “I do have some questions for you,”

You looked up at him, annoyance plastered on your face.

“Shoot,”

“Why are you here instead of Las Nevadas?”

“Because Quackity kicked me out, and-“

“How did you know I made you breakfast?” He cut you off.

“I asked Phil, but-“

“Why did Quackity kick you out?”

“I asked him too many questions, just-“

“Do you still hold any loyalty to him?”

“No, but-“

“Questionnaire over, thank you for participating,” He stood up and excused himself from the table, heading back to the kitchen.

-

Techno never left again after that. He stuck around and made an effort to make you annoyed and uncomfortable every chance he could get. It was becoming a sort of game with him, and you were more than happy to play along. It made it easier to get along with him in general. There’d be no more dreading seeing him, no more awkwardness surrounding your avoidance.

Now, you had other things to be awkward about. If you passed each other a bit too close in a doorway, when you tripped over a rug in the living room, the fact that you were sleeping in his bed, the abrupt flirtatious nature of the man you were now sharing a room with.

You never really thought about it, but before he moved back into his room onto a makeshift bed, he’d been sleeping on the couch. He’d wake you early in the morning when he’d get up to make breakfast, and whenever he did leave to run errands, he’d wake you late at night when he came home.

One morning, around eight, he woke you purposefully.

“Get dressed, I want to show you something,” he whispered, gently shaking you.

You groggily complied and eventually found your way to the front door where he was waiting for you.

“No breakfast?” You asked.

“Breakfast after,” He said, opening the door.

He was dressed in his usual clothes, but he carried a large satchel with him. Inside were different scraps of leftover meat and some bones. He didn’t tell you what for, but you were too tired to ask anyway.

You followed him through the fresh snow, crunching under your feet. It was drowned out by mindless conversation that you both kept up to stay awake. He brought you to a distant hill in a clearing, where a cliffside was awaiting. The conversation stopped as he told you to wait, and he went over to the wall and pressed a rock into the stone.

You could faintly hear the sound of pistons firing before the rock slid down slotted into the floor.

The sound of dogs barking filled the forest as hundreds of dogs and puppies spilt out of the entrance. Most of them went running to Techno, who was now holding the bag aloft, out of reach from the dogs. Some of them ran to you, their tails wagging happily at their new potential playmate.

“Pretty cool, huh?” He shouted.

“Holy-“ You stopped and pet the large, black dog that jumped on you, “Where’d you get so many dogs?”

“Long story,” He began to throw chunks of meat into the writhing pile of hounds, who were now obsessively sniffing you.

“I do this three times a week,” he said as he made his way over to you, “It’d get done a lot faster if you could help now that you’re living here full-time,”

“Wait,” You looked at him blankly, “Full-time?”

“That’s the idea,”

You thought for a moment, “Where am I going to sleep?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” he said, handing you some chunks of meat to throw.

By the time Techno’s bag was empty, it was almost noon. He shephered them back into the cavern and shut the door behind them. They were very well trained, when he commanded them all to sit once they got inside, there was no hesitation. The puppies were confused at first, but they followed along with the pack flawlessly.

Leaving the clearing, you talked with him freely about your plans for the future at the cabin. It didn’t mean you’d live there forever, knowing Techno, he might end up being hunted out of the tundra eventually. But for now, you were sticking with him.

It was strsnge to think that you were once mortal enemies, staring each other down on the battlefield with nothing but rage coursing through your veins. Now, you were cheerily chatting about what it would be like to settle down together. Between the two of you, mutual feelings of respect and redemption. The distrust was long since buried.

[mason5555]

How do you start afresh at 45… it’s been a month since she left. I am still sitting in my own emotions, remembering what MY emotions are… I had lost myself in her…. The shame that carried… that was a month ago….

So proud of the way I have carried myself in such a hard situation. After such a long time together.. nearly 2 decades… well really how long were we really together… if ever.

The outcome of such a long toxic relationship with someone with NPD. You dive in so quick and I love/d soo hard.. I did not know that it was not real, it was real to me. She was my perfect mirror.. I honestly thought she was perfect for me.. I loved her hard… the trauma bond was sealed(I had no clue what a trauma bond was!)I could feel myself drowning and losing who I was… but I thought I could get her to see the way of love if I committed to it and loved her hard and appeased her every desire and disregarded her lack of return of effort or to use her words… “ I never made you feel like you were the most important person to me in the room”… it was one of the most honest statements ever made… Her actions backed this over and over again… Why did I still think things would change…I was 100% in constant freeze..always activated… always hyper vigilant… why did I stay when I knew I was not where I was safe…life got low… I chose to pass on explanation of this stage… the abuse and shame is still way to great…

It took to get this low to instigate the self sabotage, the losing any reason to continue to supply her feed.. if I can’t leave I will take out any reason for her to stay… yep l thought slowly losing my self worth and any effort into being the person I know I am… I just stopped. I had allowed the poison to take control .. I don’t like how low I have gone… it’s taken 3 years of work to pull me back to this stage to finally have the strength to start creating boundaries to allow me to grow again… this was Met with promises of change but to no avail it was just said in the passing moment cause it felt good and maybe real to her at the time. But it was only ever words… never equated to action..all this was a gift.. it was continue to enable me the sight and strength to know life should not be so dark… life was not dark I was in the dark. But I was gaining strength, I got some professional help.. at first I thought nah I am beyond help. But here I am.. still long way to go but at least I am now able to move forward… but how do you start again at 45!

Every day I am trying to do something new for me, it’s not happening quick but it’s happening. I can’t compare to her… she is behaving as someone with NPD would… I am erased and she has never been happier… a well timed song always seems to be there when you need them… it’s called someone else’s problem now(Raul) it was perfect timing. Not kidding myself… there are as many backward steps as forward… and they cut deep. So many lonely tears…

I am sitting in my loneliness and learning to turn it into something else … still learning but less hurting so it’s working. My soul is hearing my call to come home… but after sooo long it’s a journey.

I miss me… I am looking towards the future now and rediscovering me again and who I am, what I like… I liked who I used to be… I can never be who I used to be again but I think I can be a better person then I have ever been and shine… it’s not going to happen over night but I will smile again. Writing this reminds me to smile and how far I have come…

Every day I feel safer… still so many unknowns and I am sure difficulties to face but facing them myself and working through the pain… I don’t want to sweep anything under the rug to trip on later. 

Anyhow I hope whoever is unsure of where they are and where they are going might relate to something I have said and make steps towards a brighter light and future..We got this..

[themculibrary]

Stucky/Bucky In Wakanda Masterlist

And Cookies, Too? (ao3) - SilverRowan_Ivy630951 T, 6k

Summary: “So, what made you come to Wakanda?”

“Steve thought Stark was joking and agreed to the position right on the spot.”

“Hey!” Steve protested. “There hadn’t been even a single rumor that he was going to open another Shield Coffee Shop, much less one in another country. Not even a whisper. How was I supposed to know that the man was legitimately asking?”

“You’re just lucky that you chose me for who you’d want to work here with you. I’ll be damned if I let my husband move to another fuckin’ country with someone that wasn’t me.”

Bird-Naming (ao3) - aeli_kindara T, 3k

Summary: It doesn’t really matter that he wants it. Being deprogrammed is just as terrifying as being reprogrammed, for most of the same reasons, and a couple new ones besides.

By land, air and water (ao3) - BlueLuna T, 5k

Summary: It's their first Christmas together since they've found each other again in the modern world. Bucky just wants it to be like when they were kids and is trying his best with what he's got. Steve just wants to get back home.

Flames in the Mountain (ao3) - Kellyscams, Madara_Nycteris E, 9k

Summary: After retiring from a life with the Avengers, Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes have been living peacefully in Wakanda. When they're invited along with the rest of the Wakandan tribes to attend a Jabari feast no one knows what to expect--least of all Bucky. Who has a blushing little crush on the Jabari Chief, M'Baku. This night will certainly be one for the books.

Home (ao3) - Lady_Darkness T, 974

Summary: Steve and Bucky in Wakanda, after Endgame.

if you find one, tell me which piece i’ve lost (ao3) - BeaArthurPendragon M, 37k

Summary: Her face is warm but neutral—she is a kind person, he thinks, but also a professional. She would not think twice about killing him if he tried to strike. “My name is Ayo,” she says.

He hesitates when he realizes she is waiting for him to respond. He doesn’t deserve the name Bucky anymore. He still answers to Soldat—the way a beaten dog answers to a jerked chain, but it sure as hell can get his attention in a hurry. But that’s no name for a person, and he is determined to become one.

(In Wakanda, two wounded soldiers begin to heal.)

Featuring Bucky & Ayo friendship and a million and one Stucky feels. Fic complete.

Musings of the White Wolf (ao3) - SeleneJessabelle12626 G, 65k

Summary: Wakanda was fascinating place for any outsider, but its people were what interested Bucky the most.

A series of semi-interconnected one shots about Bucky's life in Wakanda.

On Va Voir. (ao3) - MollyMaryMarie N/R, 43k

Summary: During his time in Wakanda, Bucky wonders if some of the things he remembers about Steve are real or wishful thinking.

Point of Contact (ao3) - aeli_kindara, keire_ke bucky/m’baku, steve/bucky T, 13k

Summary: Bucky's awake in Wakanda — deprogrammed, one-armed, arriving at something like peace. M'Baku's making his own peace: with T'Challa as his king, a new vision for Wakanda and the Jabari, and his failure to live out his family's dreams.

Then a HYDRA agent shows up on the remote Jabari border.

Rediscovering (ao3) - R_o_x_x_a_n_n_e G, 5k

Summary: Bucky struggles with healing from the Winter Soldier program with the help of the Wakandans. Steve refuses to give up on him.

relearning (ao3) - savorvrymoment E, 3k

Summary: Kinktober Day #1: Rimming -- Bucky and Steve enjoy retirement in Wakanda.

~“You still like this?” Bucky asks.~

See You Again (ao3) - Sleepyfaceandsnark N/R, 4k

Summary: "We've got seven days 'til we say goodbye. Back to separate ways but I'll miss you more this time

Cause I don't know when I'll see you again."

Steve's visits to Wakanda as him and Bucky try to re-establish their relationship while a war is brewing.

Stubborn Meet Stubborner (ao3) - donutsweeper T, 1k

Summary: Steve visited Bucky in Wakanda whenever he could. It wasn't often enough, but it would have to do.

the side effects that save us (ao3) - napricot T, 7k

Summary: “This broken white boy needs our help, doesn’t he? On account of how you sort of ruined his life?”

T’Challa winces and shoots the frozen Sergeant Barnes a hilariously guilty look. “That’s not—I didn’t—really, I think his life was already—”

“It’s fine! I can clean up your mess,” she tells him, still smiling. “And he didn’t—he didn’t kill Baba, so. We should help him, we should make it right. No one else can help him, can they.”

How Shuri deals, after Civil War and Black Panther.

When We Come Home From the War (ao3) - LaAngelie N/R, 1k

Summary: After the events of "Captain America: Civil War," Steve and Bucky share a much-needed moment of respite in Wakanda while they await Bucky's procedure.

prompt: laugh so hard you cry + "This is a stupid idea. I'm in." (ao3) - kocuria G, 1k

Summary: She looked up at them. At least they looked suitably remorseful, two hulking supersoldiers trying to take up as little space as possible, curled in on themselves. Good. She noticed Steve was standing just a little behind Bucky, like he hoped that would save him. Well, she was less likely to chew Bucky's head off. Just a teeny tiny little bit less.

Finally, she said, enunciating each word carefully like it was its own sentence, "You. Broke. My. Train."